Bøger af Damon Dion Reed

Currently, Phatman and Picard are being held in a black site in eastern Wisconsin by radical communist French-Canadian Mounties. Phatman is sitting on a chair with his hands tied behind his back and is trying to itch his butthole. If he was free, he'd probably ask Picard to pull his finger and then smell it with devious grin. Picard is sitting on a chair with his hands tied behind his back, next to Phatman, and he is tapping his left boot to the theme of Rocky. As a result of this, neither of them had the time to review this book for grammatical or spelling errors to bolster their non-existent books sales.

I pledge allegiance to the fagOf the United Wallets of NeighborsAnd to the Repubic for which it stampsOne Naton, under God's SEXY Ass, divisible every four years, with nookie, trunk, and Augustus for all. Amen. Play ball. Pass the apple pie

After WWIV, the metropolis of Easty-West is humanity's last refugee...except for the colony on Mars, but that is beside the point. The point is, Phatman is a plucky detective in the special crimes and stolen underwear unit and Picard is a gutsy civil-disobedience-prevention officer. And even though they come from different floors, parents, and ancestral trees, Phatman and Picard are forced together, like two large tits in a brassiere, to battle the forces of evil...supposedly.

In a universe with unlimited time and absolutely no reason, Phatman and Picard will spend One More Year. And even though they will ultimately lose the Second Annual Prayer-Off, they learn more than their minds can contain.

With nothing left to give, Phatman and Picard give up. Not because they want to, but because they've been discarded by society. Fortunately, on their path past humanity, they find meaning...as it relates to the meaning of life. Granted, they forget it almost instantly, but that is beside the point. The point is: It's catastrophic the way these two imagine the world?

Within Phatman and Picard - Another Year Later, Picard Arnold Snobbyass completes God Camp and runs for President of the United States of America. And even though Picard loses to Jimmy Flake Flakerson, Phatman and Picard learn enough to win the Third Annual International Prayer-Off!

From the beginning of time, nothing has been more annoying than a good person. That's why a secret branch of the Flops Management Agency was tasked with protecting good people. Unfortunately, this is extremely difficult because nobody agrees on the lines between good and evil. In the twentieth installment of the Phatman and Picard series, Phatman and Picard are Good People Protection Agency agents, hell bent on doing their duty of protecting good people with their time traveling mission impossible porta-potty. Yes, it's a ridiculous idea for a book, but not as ridiculous as some of the things in the real world?

The only way to survive college and life is to imagine that every day is Halloween. As cynical as that might sound, it is kind of true. People think they are demi-gods, but they put a mask over that shit. People think they deserve more, but they put a mask over that shit. People think that their morals supersede other people's morals, but they put a mask over that shit. In any event, these "exaggerated" short stories might help you avoid the same mistakes. Or, these "minimalized" short stories might provide a humoristic aside to your future mistakes. In any event, beware of poisonous snakes!

Stubborn people demand that love is everlasting and intangible, but in truth, not so much. As a result of this, Phatman wields every psychological-gray-area and a few modes of torture to ensure that his long game includes Monique and their genie bottle derivation. Unfortunately, Phatman isn't the only one seeking Monique's affection, the world is a crazy place, and Monique can't think straight. All of which, concludes in a dramatically odd conclusion...give or take a little drama.

Phatman and Picard are the result of two-parts boredom, one-part hot redhead, fifteen-parts social commentary, and three-fifths horrible hallucinations. Initially, I called this endeavor 'Fatheads Unite', but somehow Phatman and Picard appeared and demanded that everything be about them. As a result of this, I wrote the Phatman and Picard series. But, for any budding author, it might be interesting to peruse the characters and silliness that gave birth to Phatman and Picard. Herein are the stories and drawings that inspired Phatman and Picard.

There is absolutely no good reason why Phatman and Picard need to be in another story, let alone three more stories; The world is running smoothly and everyone is acting quite dashingly. But, as the old show business saying goes..."If nobody knows your name, then you're a failure and you're going to die alone." All of which, is the reason why Phatman and Picard have decided to revisit their roots. Also, they already spent the money they made from their last four books.

The universe has been wronged in so many ways, but thanks to heterosexual Phatman and Picard, the universe might just be ok. Unfortunately, as Phatman and Picard conclude their sperm dissemination about the universe to repair all the space-time holes, Phatman begins to yearn for something more than meaningless casual sex.

As a result of heads thinking too much in a DIFFERENT branch of the universe, this Phatman and Picard are 200% heterosexual. Unfortunately, to save the universe, these two heads have to hump, bump, thump, and ca-chunk their way through the universe. Only then, will the universe be saved from the horrors that have come about because of Michael Moore.

The only thing Phatman and Picard wanted to do with their lives was to help as many good people as possible, which hurt them both as they flew away from the Elonton Star in The Flaming Pig. Were they still a part of the GPPA or were they rogue priests trying to navigate the ethically gray area's between philosophy and reality?

Phatman and Picard use their upside-down brain drawer to escape my mind and flee from an atheist Harvey; in hopes of finding Godzilla.

In as much as nobody really knows what is real, one thing is for sure: Phatman & Picard are just actors...with a less than average understanding of realty. But regardless of all that, they've had two somewhat successful series in which they've traversed the universe in search of hope, cognition, and women's underwear. Unfortunately in this third series, a new director tries to guide Phatman & Picard as they lament their existence as celebrities...and on a much smaller level, everything else.

After returning from a debilitating existential endeavor, Phatman and Picard discover that Michael Moore is now the ONLY son of God. And against all odds, Phatman and Picard learn more about themselves and who they want to spend the rest of their lives with....regardless of the fact that they are going to a hell'ier place when they die for repeatedly orgasiming to the wrong thoughts. Will Picard ever find his long lost turtle? Will Phatman have a thought baby? Will anybody else in the universe have a thought baby? And, will Phatman and Picard find their way home? Whatever the answers may be, the only way for Phatman and Picard to survive this universe is by Unloading Thoughts?

Blessed with another year, Phatman and Picard prepare for the Third Annual International Prayer-Off. And amidst their own personal turmoil, Phatman and Picard battle a crazy Walnut Tree, Picard joins the League of Extraordinary Papals, and Phatman bruises his duodenum.

Being a slave to the universe is difficult...especially when you don't get paid. In light of this, Phatman and Picard must travel to the furthest ends of their minds in hopes of bedding the allusive African American beast. Will Phatman lose sight of his wiener? Will Picard learn how to fly? Or, will they simply diffuse into the universe without making a single contribution to society? Wait, you already know the answer...but do you know how they got there?

"In a world without boundaries, except for the Mexican, Berlin, and Great China Wall, Phatman and Picard embark on their most dangerous adventure to date...Making more money than Avatar, because Star Wars was a conspiracy." The Movie Trailer voice echoes as Picard slowly lunges for a car door with a massive explosion behind him. "Will these two make it to the end of the movie or will there be no end to this movie?" The Movie Trailer voice booms as Picard-Neo leaps from a helicopter to catch Phatman-Morpheus in mid-flight. "If you don't crap your pants, then you're a total pussy!"

Technically, you can't judge a book by its cover unless its cover has stuff from the book...I think. In any event, this book does have a little Myelin Sheath man, but he doesn't have a blind mouse coming out his butt. (Damn, now I want to go back and add that into the book somewhere...even if it makes absolutely no sense. The chapter title would be: Turtling a Blind Mouse.) As for the rest of the stuff on the cover, it will be clearer in the book...regardless of how clear the sentences may or may be. Therefore, read, don't read, flip through, or wipe your ass with this book. I've got two other science books that are currently turtling.

Means to an end doesn't mean you have the right to torture people. That is not to say I've been tortured, but I have had an odd amount of "alone time" to be retrospective and introspective. With regards to introspection, there seems to be a pattern to the evolution of elements as it pertains to unique planetary characteristics, which relates to the evolution of carbon based life-forms. As for the retrospection, there is a reason why most people try to keep busy, but that is beside the point. The point is, I think most Texans hate evolution. In any event, reading these postulates will momentarily allow you to forget your own personal-anguish...unless your personal-anguish is in regards to such inquisitive postulates. In such case, sorry?

I'm not sure what to say about this book. I mean, I WANT you to read it, but we're all super busy filling our lives with the stuff of our lives. But, for a moment, can we look up at all the stars, say thank you, and wonder how it all occurred...to the best of our scientific knowledge?

Geniuses aren't normal. That is NOT to say I'm a genius, mostly because everybody has their own opinion as to what a genius must be, but all that is beside the point for the time being. For the time-being, you need to find food and shelter. After you accomplish that, you might look up and/or down and wonder about the universe around you. In the event that this occurs, I have crafted this book with the utmost care that coffee can instill within me. Unfortunately, the first thing I do in this book is point out that Einstein wasn't always right. (BTW, I still think Einstein is a genius and I enjoy chasing his legacy.) Then I move onto some stuff about how the universe is arranged like a battery such that you and I can exist for the briefest of moments. And after all that, I call Earth a dirty whore and give it a black eye. So if this is something you feel might enrich your infinitesimal existence within this thing we call a universe, then please enjoy my view of how Earth stands upon the pedestal of structure inherent in Planets and Particles.

Ironically, Eons is the reason for the existence of everything we know and love, but it won't take you that long to read this book. In fact, this is one of my shorter books. Butt, does that make it any less of a book? (Please don't answer that.) In any event, this book is an extension of the theories I proposed in Incorporeal. Also, I talk about female sperm eating male sperm...so you have a reason to drudge through all the Earth physics drivel.

If I could be more of an ass, I WILL find a way. But for now, I'll have to settle for calling Einstein, Freud, Gates, and many others, complete and utter idiots. And after all that, I chit-chat about the universe, dinosaurs, and my unrelenting desire to imagine, inform, and educate. So you know, me book more words.

Do you need more squishy-squish in your brain basket? Read...The Conformational Flow. Do you find the spectrum of Wookies on Earth alarming? Read...The Wobble. Do you find the flow of theoretical physics shocking? Read...Squishy-Squish. Do you want to help other people? Read...A Viral Spectrum. Do you want to boost your ability to stand your ground? Read...Response Ability. Do you need cheaper drugs? Read...Magnetically Enhanced Synthesis? I am not highly educated. I can't name five authors I like. I do not know much about Greek mythology, American History, or computer programing. I am not verbose, eloquent, witty, or even a tad bit grammatical. Also, my thin-skin would make me a horrible public figure. But, I love science, I've got one hell of an imagination, and I want to help make this world a better place. Therefore, in lieu of all my negative attributes, I hope you find enjoyment, on some level, with my attempts to conscious.