Bøger af Lewis Williams

Surely it can't be done. But it has been done. For the first time in the history of mankind someone has been dedicated enough and fool enough to write a filthy limerick for every town in the UK which unlike Leeds or Devizes doesn't already have a classic filthy limerick to call its own. From Land's End to John o' Groats, The Great British Limerick Book has a filthy limerick for your town, for your uncle's town, for your cousin's husband's ex-wife's town .... as long as it's in the UK and as long as it isn't one of those few places that are really impossible to find a rhyme for. There are over 900 limericks in the book. A lot of them are hilarious. Most of them are very funny. All of them are filthy. Guildford, Surrey At McDonald's in Guildford in Surrey I spilt coffee on my crotch in a scurry I had to act quick To cool down my dick So I stuck it into my McFlurry Nuneaton, Warwickshire There was a young man from Nuneaton Who really enjoyed being beaten And squeezing his knackers With a pair of nut crackers And riding a bike with no seat on Bath, Somerset There was a professor from Bath Who employed twenty-five research staff To measure size and direction Of his every erection And to plot the results on a graph The Isle of Skye, Scotland When I was on the Isle of Skye I overdid the old Spanish fly I had a stiff member From the fourth of December Till Friday the tenth of July Ashington, Northumberland In Ashington there was a miner Whose wife was a fashion designer One night to his shock She dressed him up as a cock And herself as a six foot vagina Hackney, Greater London As a chemist I worked once in Hackney And invented a treatment for acne But one ingredi-ent Was semen I'd spent And they thought that good reason to sack me

Surely it can't be done. But it has been done. For the first time in the history of mankind someone has been dedicated enough and fool enough to write a filthy limerick for every town in Scotland. From the Highlands and Islands to the Scottish Borders, from Whitburn to John o' Groats, The Scottish Limerick Book covers every city, town or village in the country that has a population of 3,000 or more. This unique volume provides the very finest in vulgar humour and gives them all a filthy limerick to call their own. There are over 250 limericks in the book. A lot of them are hilarious. Most of them are very funny. All of them are filthy. The Isle of Skye, Highland When I was on the Isle of Skye I overdid the old Spanish fly I had a stiff member From the fourth of December Till Friday the tenth of July Grangemouth, Falkirk In Grangemouth there's an oil refinery A port, a canal and a winery And to thrill you to bits All the girls have 10 tits That is if you count them in binary Galston, East Ayrshire At Galston in the Valley of Irvine I once ate a meal quite unnerving The sausage gave me a shock It looked just like my cock Apart from its more pronounced curving Beith, North Ayrshire They staged a biblical play once in Beith But the costumes were a little too brief The end of Adam's wang Did quite clearly hang Out from under his tiny fig leaf Larkhall, South Lanarkshire At the fete in the town of Larkhall A big hit was my sexual aids stall Demand was so fantastic For the vaginas in plastic It just ended up in a brawl Bishopton, Rensfrewshire At a masochists' party in Bishop-ton Not being one to be easily outdone When a chap got out his dick And whacked it with a stick I got out mine and shot it with a gun

Presenting the very finest in vulgar humour, The Oxbridge Limerick Book revives the ancient and noble art of the filthy limerick, injects it with a large dose of twenty-first century humour and applies it to the venerable institutions of Oxford and Cambridge, giving every college in the two universities a filthy limerick to call its own. The results will cause hilarity and provoke outrage, with what is quite possibly the best and most original little book of filthy limericks to be published since 1928.