Bøger af Lori Schafer

To All the Penises I've Ever Known: Erotic Shorts by Lori Schafer.Ranging in style from funny to filthy, this erotica collection features author commentary on selected stories and my open letter to you-know-who. The paperback version of this book also features my long short story "The Hannelack Fanny, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Rump.""Morning After""Ballroom Dance""To All the Penises I've Ever Known""Me and Fat Marge""Missed Connection""Complete Your Assignments!""Weekend Away""Lori Schafer: I Write Erotica""The Hannelack Fanny, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Rump."

A young woman's life is changed forever when she discovers what everyone around her has known all along: that a renowned family characteristic has re-emerged in a most unfortunate location - her own backside.Follow her journey from embarrassment to acceptance to unbridled joy as she learns to appreciate the wonder of going through life with the Hannelack fanny.

My Life with Michael is an erotic fantasy for anyone who has ever wanted to have their beer and drink it, too. Surprisingly sweet, the story follows the course of an adulterous affair between two ordinary people confronting the changes that aging brings to the experience of love and sexuality. With humor and honesty, my novel explores the pleasures and pitfalls of the adulterous relationship: the crudity of the courtship, the raw sexuality that ultimately lapses into monotony, and, inevitably, the bittersweet farewell.

Meet Kathy, a thirty-seven-year-old drifter who's constantly on the move: to new towns, new jobs, and new relationships. Imagine her surprise when she's befriended by lifelong friends Sam and Ted, attractive young men who, though ten years her junior, are far more settled than she thinks she'll ever be. Cheer them on as their three-way friendship succumbs to passion, then passion to romance, and romance to... well, surely it couldn't be love. Could it?With a Heat Level of 4+, dialogue that will make you laugh out loud, and a plot to tickle your most sentimental of spots, Just the Three of Us promises an entertaining read for fans of romance looking for a unique take on love and sexuality.This LARGE PRINT edition is in 18-point font for easy readability.Excerpt: Ted lay beside me, his hand resting on my hip, seeming perfectly at ease. His fingers took a few tentative steps down my thighs and warmth flooded into them. I guess it showed because he smiled at me. I smiled back, my knees parting in welcoming expectation.I heard heavy breathing in my other ear. I turned and saw that Sam was hyperventilating."Are you all right?" I said, stroking my fingers against his chest."Are we going to...?" he choked. "We are, aren't we?""We don't have to," I said uncertainly."We don't?"I put on my bravest face and tried to swallow my eagerness. I felt Ted's fingers pressing into my thigh and disappointment overcame me again. I forced it down. We were friends first, after all. Even if I could pressure him into this, I wouldn't."Not if you don't want to," I assured him.He swallowed and gazed thoughtfully into my eyes. Behind my back, Ted remained silent."But you want to, don't you?"I shrugged away my ardor with effort. "It's not all about me," I said.I saw him glance over my shoulder and knew that he was looking at Ted."It's not that I don't want to," he mumbled. "I'm just... I'm just not sure I'm ready."Ted laughed loudly behind my back, breaking the tension. I swiveled towards him, startled."This is all you've talked about all week!" he roared, rolling his body into mine."What?!" I said, turning back to look at Sam. He was grinning rather sheepishly."Night and day," Ted confirmed, his hand abandoning my thigh and circling my waist instead. "How he absolutely couldn't wait one more minute and couldn't we get you to come over sooner and did I think you'd really go through with it.""Well, I..." Sam protested feebly, his cheeks coloring as he lapsed again into that sheepish grin."So the truth comes out!" I laughed."Hey, it's totally different now that you're actually here! I still can't believe...""Believe it, buddy!" I interrupted and he gaped at me, surprised by my sudden change in tone. "Now get your butt over here before I lose my temper. It's not polite to keep a woman waiting.""Yes, ma'am!" he said, sliding into me."That's better! Now by the time I count ten, I expect to be in bed with two very handsome and very naked young men. No more dilly-dallying!" I threatened, wagging my finger at them. "One..."Abruptly they both jerked away from me, and I rolled onto my backside and watched as polo shirts and boxers went flying across the room like kites snapping in a spring breeze."Eight," I breathed, but they were already done. They rolled sideways against me and then snuggled up close to each side of me, their cheeks pink with excitement. I sensed the weight of their bodies pushing against me; felt the sweat forming where their skin was pressed against mine. And into each of my hips poked something hard but soft; deliciously promising and hopelessly decadent, and I gulped, uncertain whether to savor the sensation or run away from it.Maybe I, too, had the tiniest of doubts about this.

In Just the Three of Us: An Erotic Romantic Comedy for the Commitment-Challenged, we learned the story of Sam and Kathy and Ted, three good friends who become even better lovers. Now find out what happens to the author when her real-life inspirations read her book...This paperback edition contains both parts of The Other Three of Us, books 2 and 3 in The Three of Us trilogy.Excerpt: Sam closed the slider behind us as we all retreated back into the room. It stood directly before us now, the last stop on the tour: a California king-sized bed, extra-long and extra-wide, almost as if it had been intended for three. In silence we all stared at it, its sheets so crisp and clean, its comforter so smooth and neatly applied, its three pillows so precisely lined up across its top side. This was the place, I thought as I ran my fingers over the cloth. This was where it would finally happen.I turned and caught a glimpse of Ted's face, calm and staid as always, his thoughts concealed by his ongoing silence. He'd hardly spoken since I'd been here, and I wondered what he was thinking. There was nothing in his facial expression to give it away."Well, um, I guess that's it," Sam mumbled, like a museum tour guide who doesn't know how politely to tell the loitering guests to go home. "You can, um... You can put your beer down here if you want." He took my glass and set it hurriedly down on the nightstand. Suddenly he seemed to be in a terrible rush. He was folding back the edge of the comforter while simultaneously fluffing the pillows; I half expected to see feathers flying."And I guess..." - he drew back the edge of the sheet and flattened it with his hand - "I guess you two should go ahead and get started, and then you can, um... let me know when you're done!" He hesitated only a second, then turned on his heel and began marching purposefully across the big room."Wait, Sam!" I called out in alarm, my voice echoing off the ceiling like a police siren in a crowded downtown. "Where are you going?""Not far, not far!" he assured me, turning around in a circle to face us briefly again. "I'll be right here in the bathroom. Take your time!"He shot us an exaggerated wink, vanished into the dark red room, and clicked the door shut.Slowly, deliberately, I turned towards Ted. He was standing with his arms folded, his hand over his mouth as if he were covering up either a frown or a grin - I couldn't tell which."This isn't exactly what I was expecting," I said, searching his eyes for some clue that I was right to be bewildered."I'm sure it wasn't," he agreed. I looked down at the exposed sheet and caught a glimpse of something pink. I peeled it back further, recoiling in horror."Are those rose petals?" I squeaked."Sam's idea," Ted said, his lips twitching.I stood dumbstruck. Here I was, on the verge of what I'd thought was going to be the greatest night of my life, and I didn't have even the slightest desire to get naked.Ted cleared his throat audibly."Shall we get started?" He gestured towards the flower-filled bed."Uh... I'm not sure I can do this on demand," I said. This was all just too weird. Here's the man, here's the bed; take one of each and call me if you still feel sick in the morning?"Sure you can," he said, clasping his long arms over my backside."No, I mean - I don't think I feel like it right now.""You will," he assured me. He swept his hands down over my ass, then lifted up my still-damp skirt and got underneath. "Mmmm," I purred involuntarily."Told ya." His fingers were probing the edges of my undies, and as he shifted me sideways down onto the bed, the bathroom door reappeared within my view. Like an anvil on a cartoon character's head, the realization hit me so hard and fast I saw stars. Maybe Sam wasn't out here, but he was in there, right there in the bathroom. Only feet from me and Ted, my other boyfriend was patiently waiting his turn.

It was coming at last. The end of all things. All but the darkness...Everything comes to an end. Lives and loves, joy and innocence, peoples and nations; nothing is spared. Even our own world must one day bid us farewell.In this collection of short fiction, author Lori Schafer examines these ends - how they occur, why they occur, and what they mean to us when they do. Features author commentary on selected pieces.This paperback edition of In the End includes the short stories "Waiting" and "Squirrel Revolution," which are available separately as eBooks.This LARGE PRINT edition has been published in 20-point font for easy readability.

Now available for the first time in a box set - Just the Three of Us, the complete trilogy!Book 1 (Just the Three of Us): Three close friends get too close for comfort in Just the Three of Us: An Erotic Romantic Comedy for the Commitment-Challenged.Meet Kathy, a thirty-seven-year-old drifter who's constantly on the move: to new towns, new jobs, and new relationships. Imagine her surprise when she's befriended by lifelong friends Sam and Ted, attractive young men who, though ten years her junior, are far more settled than she thinks she'll ever be. Cheer them on as their three-way friendship succumbs to passion, then passion to romance, and romance to... well, surely it couldn't be love. Could it?With plenty of heat, dialogue that will make you laugh out loud, and a plot to tickle your most sentimental of spots, Just the Three of Us is a funny and unusual friends-to-lovers romance that promises an entertaining read for fans of romance looking for a unique take on love and sexuality.Books 2 and 3 (The Other Three of Us, Parts I & II): In Just the Three of Us, we learned the story of Sam and Kathy and Ted, three good friends who become even better lovers. Now find out what happens to the author when her real-life inspirations read her book.

In Just the Three of Us: An Erotic Romantic Comedy for the Commitment-Challenged, we learned the story of Sam and Kathy and Ted, three good friends who become even better lovers. Now find out what happens to the author when her real-life inspirations read her book...Excerpt: You see, although the names are, of course, pseudonyms, there really are a Sam and Ted. They were young men of my acquaintance to whom I found myself inexplicably attracted. Not - as generally happens among the sane women of the world - as individual men, but together, as a pair. Like my character Kathy, I wasn't interested in dating Sam or in dating Ted, which was too bad, because I might have been able to pull off one of those less dazzling arrangements. No, I wanted them together or not at all.I guess the trouble started because, as anyone who has ever had a secret crush knows, when you feel that way about someone, deep down you want nothing more than for them to find out about it, particularly if it means they're going to respond by sweeping you into their arms and smothering you with kisses. Or, if you're like me, by pinning you to the wall and relieving you of your panties.Of course, in real life that rarely happens. Usually if you've kept your crush a secret, there's a darned good reason for it. Namely, that either you know the object of your affection doesn't share your interest, or that he/she/they is/are unobtainable for whatever reason. In my case, both of these conditions applied, for although there were moments in which I thought I might have sparked a glimmer of interest in Sam or in Ted, I never deluded myself into imagining that either of them, like most practical men, would ever be amenable to a romantic ratio of greater than one to one. Consequently, not being as foolish back then as I evidently am today, I kept my deep, dark thoughts about Sam and Ted and what I wanted them to do to my deep, dark places all to myself. In the real world, I would never have breathed a word about the fantasies I had about them, not even to Julie, my very best friend. I didn't flirt with them. I wasn't overly affectionate. The only allusion I ever made to romance was to admonish them jokingly they were much too young even to speak to a middle-aged lady like me. Until I wrote that book, the chances of anyone finding out the extent of depravity to which I had mentally sunk were considerably lower than the odds of my suddenly becoming a pro tackle in the NFL. But I did write it. And worse, I ended it with an epilogue - an epilogue that almost reads like a confession.I suppose it was a confession. Maybe there was some very tiny, very stupid corner of my heart - or one of my lustier places - that hoped that they would find out. That maybe they would even like the idea. That if the thought only turned them on a tenth as much as it did me, I might still get to live out that secret fantasy before I got to be too old to enjoy it. Or for them to enjoy me.Foolish, I know. My mind certainly knew better, even if my heart - or those pesky dirty places - refused to believe it. No good could have come from them finding out how I felt. In fact, it was a disaster the size of a beehive hairdo when they did.But it's over now. Nothing can make it better, and nothing - I hope - can make it worse. I came out, as it were. With all of the horrific consequences that sometimes entails. And the way I figure it, I might as well tell the whole story. Here, now, while it's fresh in my mind, before I start twisting and coloring it and turning it into a tall tale to share with the boys at the bar now that my boys have left me behind.You see, my relationship with Sam and Ted wasn't quite the way I portrayed it in fiction. If it had been, maybe I'd have had half a chance. But as it was, I was lucky to escape with some piddly portion of my dignity intact. And calling what I had left at the end "dignity" is really stretching the term.

In Just the Three of Us: An Erotic Romantic Comedy for the Commitment-Challenged, we learned the story of Sam and Kathy and Ted, three good friends who become even better lovers. Now find out what happens to the author when her real-life inspirations read her book...Book 2 of The Other Three of UsBook 3 in The Three of Us trilogy (conclusion)Excerpt: Sam closed the slider behind us as we all retreated back into the room. It stood directly before us now, the last stop on the tour: a California king-sized bed, extra-long and extra-wide, almost as if it had been intended for three. In silence we all stared at it, its sheets so crisp and clean, its comforter so smooth and neatly applied, its three pillows so precisely lined up across its top side. This was the place, I thought as I ran my fingers over the cloth. This was where it would finally happen.I turned and caught a glimpse of Ted's face, calm and staid as always, his thoughts concealed by his ongoing silence. He'd hardly spoken since I'd been here, and I wondered what he was thinking. There was nothing in his facial expression to give it away."Well, um, I guess that's it," Sam mumbled, like a museum tour guide who doesn't know how politely to tell the loitering guests to go home. "You can, um... You can put your beer down here if you want." He took my glass and set it hurriedly down on the nightstand. Suddenly he seemed to be in a terrible rush. He was folding back the edge of the comforter while simultaneously fluffing the pillows; I half expected to see feathers flying."And I guess..." - he drew back the edge of the sheet and flattened it with his hand - "I guess you two should go ahead and get started, and then you can, um... let me know when you're done!" He hesitated only a second, then turned on his heel and began marching purposefully across the big room."Wait, Sam!" I called out in alarm, my voice echoing off the ceiling like a police siren in a crowded downtown. "Where are you going?""Not far, not far!" he assured me, turning around in a circle to face us briefly again. "I'll be right here in the bathroom. Take your time!"He shot us an exaggerated wink, vanished into the dark red room, and clicked the door shut.Slowly, deliberately, I turned towards Ted. He was standing with his arms folded, his hand over his mouth as if he were covering up either a frown or a grin - I couldn't tell which."This isn't exactly what I was expecting," I said, searching his eyes for some clue that I was right to be bewildered."I'm sure it wasn't," he agreed. I looked down at the exposed sheet and caught a glimpse of something pink. I peeled it back further, recoiling in horror."Are those rose petals?" I squeaked."Sam's idea," Ted said, his lips twitching.I stood dumbstruck. Here I was, on the verge of what I'd thought was going to be the greatest night of my life, and I didn't have even the slightest desire to get naked.Ted cleared his throat audibly."Shall we get started?" He gestured towards the flower-filled bed."Uh... I'm not sure I can do this on demand," I said. This was all just too weird. Here's the man, here's the bed; take one of each and call me if you still feel sick in the morning?"Sure you can," he said, clasping his long arms over my backside."No, I mean - I don't think I feel like it right now.""You will," he assured me. He swept his hands down over my ass, then lifted up my still-damp skirt and got underneath. "Mmmm," I purred involuntarily."Told ya." His fingers were probing the edges of my undies, and as he shifted me sideways down onto the bed, the bathroom door reappeared within my view. Like an anvil on a cartoon character's head, the realization hit me so hard and fast I saw stars. Maybe Sam wasn't out here, but he was in there, right there in the bathroom. Only twenty feet from me and Ted, my other boyfriend was patiently waiting his turn.