Bøger af Pamela Taeuffer

My heart is on fire. For the first time in my life I am awake and the desires I've pushed down are smoldering. The shadows of my youth are daring me to step away from them, and new visions are circling through my head that include having intimacy in a way I never dreamed of. My name is Nicky Young and this is my coming of age story and family saga. I have begun to understand if I want to live differently than my parents-an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother-I need to love, forgive, trust and live with an open heart. As I look in the mirror, I am seeing a new woman emerging-one I'm not sure of and trying hard to discover. Through family dysfunction and by the lack of affection in my household I learned not to get too close. Rage and violence lurked when we became vulnerable and the way I learned to protect myself was to build high and thick walls of defense around my heart. I dream about having a full, open, and intimate relationship. I want a real adult romance with every beat of my heart. But I can't trust anyone enough-especially myself. That was until I met Ryan Tilton, a very sexy professional baseball player who lost his father at only fourteen. In many ways we seem to be ancient spirits. He promises to hold me in his arms like I've never been held, and is offering me a chance to step out of fear and experience what is like to ask for what I want without being afraid. I feel my heart opening. I feel . . . joy. This is my battle: I'm fighting to break generational chains of dysfunction and addiction; to understand and forgive the choices of my parents; to love and trust myself, so that I can love and trust another. This story is about transitioning into joy. I invite you to follow me on my journey and the struggle I'm desperate to overcome.

What if you were afraid to even turn the doorknob to your front door when coming home because of what might wait inside for you? What would it take to make you step out of your shadows, and once and for all break free from the twisted security of familiarity, and take a chance with another that just might change everything? What if you could ask for what you want without being afraid? Could you trust another person that much? Could you trust yourself to ask it and be willing to hear the things you fear? And what if you could truly begin to conquer those deep fears that hide inside you, allowing your heart to open, become vulnerable, and have the chance for real intimacy-the kind that allows another to come closer than you've ever let anyone before? My name is Nicky Young, and this is my family saga and my love story of the battle of family alcoholism, addiction and abuse. This is my journey and coming of age storty of how I learned to let another person come so close that he could see the very depths of me-all of the good and bad that simmered in my soul. You may say, "I don't believe a woman so innocent, could fantasize about sex." I did. You may think, "No one talks like this." Perhaps we should have conversations just like these. When I was seventeen, a man named Ryan Tilton, a twenty-¬ year old professional baseball player, came into my life. I knew it was time. I had to take a risk-that a promise to hold me, accept me for who I was, to never abandon me-were real. These are my experiences, my fantasies, my conversations and the slow, intimate reveal of how I ¬normally learned to open my heart to another. and how I learned to trust myself so that I could really, really, be alive. "I'm very excited about this¬ book in the Broken Bottles Series by Pamela Taeuffer. As a family therapist for more than thirty years, it is my opinion these books are like no other. They offer you an inspiring adventure as well as a thoughtful journey towards trust and intimacy. Truly a stimulating and thought-provoking read." -Louise Monahan, M.S., MFT

JAGGED HEART DESCRIPTIONTEEN & YOUNG ADULT/COMING OF AGE CONTEMPORARY FICTIONWOMEN'S CONTEMPORARY LITERARY FICTION SERESSwept into a romance with professional baseball player, Ryan Tilton, we just had an evening of dreams-until I wouldn't have sex with him. I couldn't risk it. To me, sex means marriage. It means love and forever. I tried to explain. I didn't hide it. But to him, it means love, acceptance, and that he wouldn't be abandoned the same way he was when a boy of fourteen and his father was killed in the Middle East. He's pleaded with me to tell him my feelings and openly tells me he loves me. I can't repeat the words. Once I do, he'll abandon me just like my parents-discounting my feelings because they can't deal with their own. I couldn't risk it. I knew he'd leave. Dad battles his alcoholism. Mom embraces her co-dependency. They've gambled with their daughters' mental and physical safety multiple times over the years.I'm at a crossroads trying to understand this threshold of being an adult, yet emerging from childhood. It's as if a tornado has taken me into it's roar spun and tossed me around, breaking me away as I cling to the twisted security of my family-even the word "secure" sends a shiver through me. I've never been.Being raised in an dysfunctional family battling alcoholism whispers, stay hidden in the shadows, be safe, don't be noticed or share too much.I know this is it.I need to take a risk.I need to let go of old fears, forgive my parents, embrace intimacy and move forward. I need to trust-especially myself-so that I can transition into joy."I am pleased a series like Broken Bottles is being written, showing the serious, yet joyful and difficult journey toward intimacy. If often takes a lifetime for a child from family dysfunction to open their heart and embrace the rise and fall of love. The beauty and honesty of this series takes my breath away." Louise Monahan, M.S., MFT

AMAZING HEART DESCRIPTIONTEEN & YOUNG ADULT COMING OF AGE CONTEMPORARY FICTIONWOMEN'S CONTEMPORARY LITERARY FICTION SERIESIt's Amazing, but for the first time in my life I have let go of the control. I've battled so hard to hold onto the twisted security of my family's battle with alcoholism-it's what I've known-never risking too much, holding back, so the hurt didn't cut too deep. Now?I feel a new lifeAn unknown.Vulnerable.It's magnificent.It's . . . intimacy, being held, letting someone see into my dark places so the light, hidden since a little girl, can finally become brilliant. It's amazing. I'm about to shout my love for a man who seems to understand me like no one ever has. After I do, will everything fall apart? In my heart of shadows, the fear of being abandoned beats inside my head with regular rhythms."Please take me in your arms," I say silently. "Accept my dark places. Help me understand you won't leave me." Maybe I'm dreaming when he says, "Whatever path we choose, whatever arises, we'll overcome our fears." Have a finally been set free from generational mistakes that are passed forward in our family? Dare I ask for what I want and trust myself enough to share my thoughts, wishes, dreams . . . dare I actually hope in another person? Will he break his promises like my parents did to me? Can I really, really, be alive, be vulnerable, open and reach for deep, sensual intimacy? Can I take a risk and transition into joy?