Bøger af Clifford James Hayes

Grandad's huge bottom makes life a misery for all - until one day it takes him on an adventure like no other! 'A trip to Grandad's?' mum asks, I groan, 'No, that sounds quite rotten' Because for me there's nothing worse, Than my Grandad's big bottom! Hilarious (and slightly naughty) bottom-related tomfoolery for all ages. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/book

PLEASE NOTE: This book contains a bit of 'toilet humour' - if words like 'poo' offend then please do not purchase! The book has been tested on kids and grandparents (who generally love this kind of naughtiness), but the author requests you observe the above before buying ...A hilarious tale about the evils of eating bad food. Introducing Podge - the pig who revolts in more ways than one! Will Queen Sheep and the farm be able to do anything about Podge the pig, or will his bottom win in the end? ... Podge the pig's belly turned others to jelly; His bottom-emissions were rotten and smelly! The pig often found himself in a foul mood, (Mainly because all he ate was junk food). His animal friends said enough was enough, And mutually agreed it was time to get tough. The question remained, though - what could they do, About Podge the pig's bottom-burps, splatters and poo? In full colour, large format and fully-illustrated by the author, 'Podge' is a great rhyming tale for all ages, with an important message about the perils of eating too much junk food.

SPECIAL EDITION: NEW DESIGN, NEW ILLUSTRATIONS, NEW CONTENT. Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at Augustus The Hairy Zummabeest!Bored beyond belief during a dull and utterly endless summer vacation, Bobbie's life gets turned upside-down by a visit from a friendly monster named Augustus. Soon they're both on an adventure like no other in the Land of Hairy Make-believe. But what will happen to Augustus when the holidays come to an end?Full of good, old fashioned silliness and absurdity, Augustus The Hairy Zummabeest is great fun for children and adults alike.Search 'Clifford James Hayes' on Amazon for other books by the author. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

Man-tart dislike - Hitler switches - fairground life - child labour - Jamaica - Florence - banana addiction - urban sleepwalks - flying a 747 - giant spiders - beard hatred - owning half the toys in Hamleys. What do all the above have in common? The author of this book, that's what. Out of My Head is an autobiographical ramble through the author's life experiences and subsequent skewed views on everything. Discover the true nature of reality and find out why fashion should be banned; understand why the world needs splugs and learn how to email yourself to distant stars. All this and a great deal more can be found in Out of My Head! This Second Edition contains new content and expanded sections unavailable previously. Contains some (mild) adult content. If unsure, do not purchase for persons under 11.56 years of age.

Fans of quirky, irreverent yuletide humour will screech with delight at Clarence the slug's Christmas adventure! A rude letter from a greedy child makes Santa go a bit bonkers - but it's Christmas Eve and the elves are desperate for someone to deliver all the presents! The Elf Doctor comes up with a completely mad plan to save the day - and soon the fate of Christmas depends on one giant slug! Will Clarence save the day, or will everybody's Christmas be a slime-covered nightmare? Also contains a brilliant new story - Clarence The Slug's Lost Adventure !!!

Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at Verity Fruitt's hideousness! Ms. Verity Fruitt is the most horrible person you could ever work with. Don't believe me? Read this for yourself! This vile, kebab-fuelled she-bully makes everyone's life an utter misery - and once she's promoted to Office Manager, she'll be even worse! However, Verity is unaware of the dark, monstrous secret that lurks within her office - and only the author's own fairground gonk can save the day! Verity Fruitt is a great introduction to Clifford James Hayes's bonkers tales. If you're not a frenzied, foaming-at-the-mouth fan of his books yet, you soon will be! FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

SPECIAL EDITION: NEW DESIGN, NEW ILLUSTRATIONS, NEW CONTENT. Fans of quirky humour will love Horrid Horatia! With lots of money, Horatia the selfish lady-slug thinks she's very important. Next she plans to show her neighbours just how important she really is, by building an enormous hedge - and no-one's going to stop her. But what goes around, comes around ... just like the truckload of salt headed her way! Also included are some poems and short 'story-things' - Creepy The Clown, The Walrus Story, I'm a Scary Spider and Bunnies! Very silly and very funny, Horrid Horatia! is a great read for children and adults alike.Search 'Clifford James Hayes' on Amazon for other books by the author. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

SPECIAL EDITION: NEW DESIGN, NEW ILLUSTRATIONS, NEW CONTENT. Fans of quirky, irreverent yuletide humour will screech with delight at The Slug That Saved Christmas!A rude letter from a greedy child makes Santa go a bit bonkers - but it's Christmas Eve and the elves are desperate for someone to deliver all the presents! Will Clarence save the day, or will everybody's Christmas be a slime-covered nightmare? Full of good, old fashioned yuckiness and absurdity, The Slug That Saved Christmas! is great fun for children and adults alike.Also contains the previously unpublished Clarence the Slug's Lost Adventure!Search 'Clifford James Hayes' on Amazon for other books by the author. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

SPECIAL EDITION: NEW DESIGN, NEW ILLUSTRATIONS, NEW CONTENT. Fans of quirky humour will love Hairy Tales! Stories full of rhymes, morals and wit - or just plain silliness and absurdity! Great fun for children and adults alike.Join The Ugly Mermaid on her amazing undersea quest to discover why she's so hideous, and find out why Veronica the Velociraptor has such very bad teeth! Discover Aubrey's Smelly Adventure in the Land of Bernards, and learn that it can be cool to be different in Shipwreck'd Sarah and the Silly-Looking Pirates! Are you brave enough to meet the hideous, toad-fearing Grandma Grunt ... and what dreadful fate awaits Horrid Horatia, the fearsome lady-slug?All this (and a great deal more!) can be found in Hairy Tales! Search 'Clifford James Hayes' on Amazon for other books by the author. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

Fans of quirky, irreverent yuletide humour will screech with delight at Clarence the slug's Christmas adventure! A rude letter from a greedy child makes Santa go a bit bonkers - but it's Christmas Eve and the elves are desperate for someone to deliver all the presents! The Elf Doctor comes up with a completely mad plan to save the day - and soon the fate of Christmas depends on one giant slug! Will Clarence save the day, or will everybody's Christmas be a slime-covered nightmare? Part of the Hairy Tales series, The Slug That Saved Christmas is full of good old fashioned silliness and absurdity! Great fun for children and adults alike. This is the 5x8 paperback version of this book - an illustrated, large format version is also available. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at Augustus, The Hairy Zummabeest! Bored beyond belief during her dull and utterly endless summer vacation, Bobbie's life gets turned upside-down by a visit from a friendly monster named Augustus. Soon they're both on an adventure like no other, in the Land of Hairy Make-Believe. But what will happen to Augustus when the holidays come to an end?Augustus The Hairy Zummabeest is a great introduction to the bonkers mind of occasional author Clifford James Hayes. If you're not a frenzied, foaming-at-the-mouth fan of his books yet, you soon will be!FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

PLEASE NOTE: This book contains a tiny bit of 'toilet humour' - if words like 'bottom-burp' and 'boobs' offend then please do not purchase! The book has been tested on kids and grandparents (who generally love this kind of naughtiness), but the author requests you observe the above before buying ...Large format, illustrated, full colour. Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at The Ugly Mermaid's aquatic adventure! 'Why have the undersea gods forsaken me so, and left me with a face that's as lumpy as a toad's back? Why do my arms look like fat, tattooed saveloy sausages? What terrible, shameful thing have I done to end up this way, with my bristly belly of lard and facial jelly-moles the size of jellyfish? Why do my boobs droop like a seal's flippers, and why are my jowls so bearded and stubbly? I only want to be beautiful! I only want to be loved!' ...Join The Ugly Mermaid on a perilous undersea adventure like no other, as she struggles to break the terrifyingly evil Witch-Queen of the Abyss's cruel curse. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at The Easter Bunny's Undersea Adventure! After another successful egg delivery, Mildred the Easter Bunny gets a mysterious invitation from the King of the Undersea Kingdom - and soon she is on a perilous adventure like no other!Accompanied by Gerald the dolphin, Mildred encounters deep-sea monsters, hideous ghost pirates, vampire sea-frogs and many other dangers, before confronting the terrifyingly evil Witch-Queen of the Abyss!The Easter Bunny's Undersea Adventure! is the sequel to The Easter Bunny Invasion! and The Easter Bunny's Outer Space Adventure!, and is a great introduction to the bonkers mind of occasional author Clifford James Hayes. If you're not a frenzied, foaming-at-the-mouth fan of his books yet, you soon will be! FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

Fans of quirky humour will love Horrid Horatia! Horatia the selfish lady-slug thinks she's very important; she has a lot of money, a lot of homes, and a lot of hovercrafts to travel about in. And now she plans to show her neighbours just how important she really is, by building an enormous hedge - and no-one's going to stop her. But what goes around, comes around ... just like the truckload of salt headed her way!Also included are some poems and story things - Creepy The Clown, The Walrus Story, I'm a Scary Spider and Bunnies!Part of the Hairy Tales series, Horrid Horatia is full of morals and wit - and plenty of plain silliness and absurdity! Great fun for children and adults alike.FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

SPECIAL EDITION: NEW DESIGN, NEW ILLUSTRATIONS, NEW CONTENT.Fans of quirky humour will love Grandma Grunt! Edgar and Wilhelmina's grandma is the worst in the world, and makes their lives an utter misery with her nasty horridness. In desperate retaliation, they come up with The Plan - but will it be enough to put an end to Grandma Grunt's loathsome ways? Also included are some 'poem story-things' - Aubrey's Smelly Adventure in the Land of Bernards, and Veronica the Velociraptor (and Her Very Bad Teeth)! Absurd, surreal and deliciously revolting, Grandma Grunt! is great fun for children and adults alike.Search 'Clifford James Hayes' on Amazon for other books by the author. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at The Easter Bunny's Outer Space Adventure! After the dramatic events in The Easter Bunny Invasion, Mildred the Easter Bunny has returned to her favourite hobbies of waterskiing and delivering scrumptious Easter eggs to all the children of the world.However, she is plunged into peril once more when her flying egg factory is mysteriously sucked into space! With Santa Claus, Clarence the Slug and a host of others on board, she must find a way to get them all back to Earth before a foxy old enemy ruins Easter once and for all!The Easter Bunny's Outer Space Adventure! is the sequel to The Easter Bunny Invasion!, and is a great introduction to the bonkers mind of occasional author Clifford James Hayes. If you're not a frenzied, foaming-at-the-mouth fan of his books yet, you soon will be! FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

NOW WITH NEW, EXTENDED CONTENT. Set in the dark years after Ragnarok, this is the saga of the rebellion against the Lord of Snowdrakes, and all that came to pass. Fed by the immutable power of the jewels buried beneath the Smoking Mountains, Grímurfang reigns supreme. For centuries, the ice dragon has tormented the Viking settlers in the land of ice and fire. They endure merciless pain and suffering without end, as his ísdrekar kin assail their homesteads and prevent their escape.But from the heart of the mountains comes a hope unforeseen. ískló, Grímurfang's son, is taken by stealth and raised among the settlers. Can the young ísdreki defeat his father, or will Grímurfang extend his dominion over land and sea? FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

REVISED EDITION WITH NEW AND EXPANDED CONTENT. Hitler switches - fairground life - child labour - Jamaica - Florence - banana addiction - urban sleepwalks - flying a 747 - giant spiders - beard hatred - owning half the toys in Hamleys - brown cars (ugh!) - Brexit - migraines and vomit - 'orlovit' mantras in the Post Office - wet wipe joy - Ladykind - frog-hurling - ideas to save the planet - things I would ban ... What do all the above have in common? The author of this book, that's what. Out of My Head is an autobiographical ramble through Clifford James Hayes's life experiences and subsequent skewed views on everything. Discover the true nature of reality and find out why fashion should be banned; understand why the world needs 'splugs' and learn how to email yourself to distant stars. All this and a great deal more can be found in Out of My Head! Contains some (mild) adult content. If unsure, do not purchase for persons under 12. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

SPECIAL EDITION: NEW DESIGN, NEW ILLUSTRATIONS, NEW CONTENT. Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at Verity Fruitt and My Magic Gonk! Verity Fruitt is the most horrible person you could ever work with. This vile, kebab-fuelled she-bully makes everyone's life an utter misery - and once she's promoted to Office Manager, she'll be even worse! However, Verity is unaware of the dark, monstrous secret that lurks within her office - and only the author's own fairground gonk can save the day! Mad, bonkers, absurd and completely true (allegedly), Verity Fruitt and My Magic Gonk! is great fun for children and adults alike. Search 'Clifford James Hayes' on Amazon for other books by the author. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

SPECIAL EDITION: NEW DESIGN, NEW ILLUSTRATIONS, NEW CONTENT. Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at The Easter Bunny's Undersea Adventure! After another successful egg delivery, Mildred the Easter Bunny gets a mysterious invitation from the King of the Undersea Kingdom - and soon she is on a perilous adventure like no other! Accompanied by Gerald the dolphin, Mildred encounters deep-sea monsters, hideous ghost pirates, vampire sea-frogs and many other dangers - before confronting the terrifyingly evil Witch-Queen of the Abyss!Full of silliness, yuckiness and even more silliness, The Easter Bunny's Undersea Adventure! is great fun for children and adults alike.Search 'Clifford James Hayes' on Amazon for other books by the author. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

SPECIAL EDITION: NEW DESIGN, NEW ILLUSTRATIONS, NEW CONTENT. Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at The Easter Bunny's Outer Space Adventure! After the dramatic events in The Easter Bunny Invasion, Mildred the Easter Bunny is plunged into peril once more when her flying egg factory is mysteriously sucked into space! With Santa Claus, Clarence the Slug and a host of others on board, she must find a way to get them all back to Earth before a foxy old enemy ruins Easter once and for all!Full of surreal silliness and horrible hilarity, The Easter Bunny's Outer Space Adventure! is a great read for children and adults alike.Search 'Clifford James Hayes' on Amazon for other books by the author. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books Fans of quirky humour will love these Hairy Tales! Eleven different stories full of rhymes, morals and wit - or just plain silliness and absurdity! Great fun for children and adults alike.Join The Ugly Mermaid on her amazing undersea quest to discover why she's so hideous, and find out why Veronica the Velociraptor has such very bad teeth! Discover Aubrey's Smelly Adventure in the Land of Bernards, and learn that it can be cool to be different in Shipwreck'd Sarah and the Silly-Looking Pirates! Are you brave enough to meet the hideous, toad-fearing Grandma Grunt ... and what dreadful fate awaits Horrid Horatia, the fearsome lady-slug?Baron Tuskogee pays a terrible price for his greed in The Walrus Story, stinky old Podge the pig revolts in more ways than one, and the dreaded Lurgatron threatens to take over the world!All this (and a great deal more!) can be found in Hairy Tales! New, revised edition.

FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/booksFans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at The Easter Bunny Adventures! Join Mildred the Easter Bunny and her friends as she undertakes a trilogy of perilous adventures, battling sly old foxes, evil undersea witches, hideous aliens, giant sea monsters and many other dangers!This trilogy of bunny silliness contains the following tales: The Easter Bunny Invasion!, The Easter Bunny's Outer Space Adventure!, and The Easter Bunny's Undersea Adventure! - and is a great introduction to the bonkers mind of occasional author Clifford James Hayes. If you're not a frenzied, foaming-at-the-mouth fan of his books yet, you soon will be!FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

Great fun for children and adults alike - now expanded and containing a new tale - Clarence The Slug's Lost Adventure!Fans of quirky, irreverent yuletide humour will screech with delight at Clarence the slug's Christmas adventure! A rude letter from a greedy child makes Santa go a bit bonkers - but it's Christmas Eve and the elves are desperate for someone to deliver all the presents! The Elf Doctor comes up with a completely mad plan to save the day - and soon the fate of Christmas depends on one giant slug! Will Clarence save the day, or will everybody's Christmas be a slime-covered nightmare? Part of the Hairy Tales series, The Slug That Saved Christmas is full of good old fashioned silliness and absurdity!FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

PLEASE NOTE: This book contains a bit of 'silly toilet humour' - if words like 'poo' offend then please do not purchase! The book has been tested on kids and grandparents (who generally love this kind of naughtiness), but the author requests you observe the above before buying ...A hilarious tale about the evils of eating bad food. Introducing Podge - the pig who revolts in more ways than one! Will Queen Sheep and the farm be able to do anything about Podge the pig, or will his bottom win in the end? ... Podge the pig's belly turned others to jelly; His bottom-emissions were rotten and smelly!The pig often found himself in a foul mood, (Mainly because all he ate was junk food). His animal friends said enough was enough, And mutually agreed it was time to get tough.The question remained, though - what could they do, About Podge the pig's bottom-burps, splatters and poo?In full colour, large format and fully-illustrated by the author, 'Podge' is a great rhyming tale for all ages, with an important message about the perils of eating too much junk food. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/kidsbo

REVISED EDITION WITH NEW AND EXPANDED CONTENT. Hitler switches - fairground life - child labour - Jamaica - Florence - banana addiction - urban sleepwalks - flying a 747 - giant spiders - beard hatred - owning half the toys in Hamleys - brown cars (ugh!) - Brexit - migraines and vomit - 'orlovit' mantras in the Post Office - wet wipe joy - Ladykind - frog-hurling - ideas to save the planet - things I would ban ... What do all the above have in common? The author of this book, that's what.Out of My Head is an autobiographical ramble through the author's life experiences and subsequent skewed views on everything. Discover the true nature of reality and find out why fashion should be banned; understand why the world needs splugs and learn how to email yourself to distant stars. All this and a great deal more can be found in Out of My Head! Contains some (mild) adult content. If unsure, do not purchase for persons under 12. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

SPECIAL EDITION: NEW DESIGN, NEW ILLUSTRATIONS, NEW CONTENT. Fans of quirky, irreverent humour will squeal with delight at The Easter Bunny Invasion! For many years Mildred the Easter Bunny has delivered scrumptious Easter eggs to all the children of the world. But Foxington 'Foxy' McFox - the foxiest fox in all of Foxtown - wants to get his paws on Mildred's wondrous flying egg factory, and turn Easter into a disaster! Soon, the Easter Bunny must seek help from Santa Claus, Clarence the Slug and a great many others - will Mildred and her friends save the day, or will Foxy's bunny invasion take over the world? Very silly and absolutely bonkers, The Easter Bunny Invasion! is a great read for children and adults alike.Search 'Clifford James Hayes' on Amazon for other books by the author. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/books

This collection of writings contains all that is known of Timothy the Living God and his place within the Murkmyre universe. For many thousands of years he had lain prone on his vibrating pleasuretron slab, blissfully unaware of anything except the revolting food he ate and the endless televisual projections he watched. Unbeknownst to Timothy, he was revered by all the remaining exiles of Earth; cathedrals were built in his name, scriptures were transcribed from the screeched communications he passed on via tickertape to his legion of devotees. He was the first of his kind, the last of his kind. He was The One.The events on planets Murkmyre and Nocturnia changed everything. Under strain and drinking too much, the human leader Benevolencia Fairblood placed Timothy and her people in peril. The rest is what follows.This expanded version of 'Timothy' contains content additional to the previous eBook edition, and is a notable addition and introduction to the Murkmyre universe. FULL SELECTION OF BOOKS AT: www.hayesdesign.co.uk/booksContains some (mild) adult content. If unsure, do not purchase for persons under 16.