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At home, on the job, in a personal relationship, it's often not what you say but how you say it that counts.Deborah Tannen revolutionized our thinking about relationships between women and men in her #1 bestseller You Just Don't Understand. In That's Not What I Meant!, the internationally renowned sociolinguist and expert on communication demonstrates how our conversational signalsvoice level, pitch and intonation, rhythm and timing, even the simple turns of phrase we chooseare powerful factors in the success or failure of any relationship. Regional speech characteristics, ethnic and class backgrounds, age, and individual personality all contribute to diverse conversational styles that can lead to frustration and misplaced blame if ignoredbut provide tools to improve relationships if they are understood.At once eye-opening, astute, and vastly entertaining, Tannen's classic work on interpersonal communication will help you to hear what isn't said and to recognize how your personal conversational style meshes or clashes with others. It will give you a new understanding of communication that will enable you to make the adjustments that can save a conversation . . . or a relationship.
Her international bestseller, the book that shows us at last, why we find it so difficult to talk to the opposite sex. Reissued to coincide with her new book The Argument Culture.
This contributed volume will be one of the first to look truly in-depth at the face-to-face interactions within the American family. Working with the same data -- audio tape recordings made in four family homes over the course of several years -- the contributors focus on extending our knowledge of family discourse and identifying new ways in which family members create and enact their identities. Several broad themes emerge: the underlying dynamics of power and solidarity in the family and how they are reinforced through language; the negotiation of gendered roles in conjunction with family identities, especially in dual-income families; and the ways in which famlies actively confirm their beliefs and values when children are present. This ground-breaking volume will be of interest in linguistics, anthropology, and communications.
"Required reading...sharp and insightful...lively and straightforward...a novel and sometimes startling analysis of workplace dynamics."--New York Times Book Review In her extraordinary international bestseller, You Just Don't Understand, Deborah Tannen transformed forever the way we look at intimate relationships between women and men. Now she turns her keen ear and observant eye toward the workplace--where the ways in which men and women communicate can determine who gets heard, who gets ahead, and what gets done. An instant classic, Talking From 9 to 5 brilliantly explains women's and men's conversational rituals--and the language barriers we unintentionally erect in the business world. It is a unique and invaluable guide to recognizing the verbal power games and miscommunications that cause good work to be underappreciated or go unnoticed--an essential tool for promoting more positive and productive professional relationships among men and women.
A Washington Post Notable Book of 2017.Deborah Tannen's bestselling You Just Don't Understand: Conversations Between Women and Men made us aware of the deep and subtle meanings behind the words we say. She has since explored the way we talk at work, in arguments, to our mothers and our daughters.Now she turns to that most intense, precious and potential minefield: women's friendships.Best friend, old friend, good friend, new friend, neighbour, fellow mother at the school gate, workplace confidante: women's friendships are crucial. A friend can be like a sister, daughter, mother, mentor, therapist or confessor. She can also be the source of pain and betrayal.From casual chatting to intimate confiding, from talking about problems to sharing funny stories, there are patterns of communication and miscommunication that affect friendships. Tannen shows how even the best of friends - with the best intentions - can say the wrong thing, how the ways women friends talk can bring friends closer or pull them apart, but also how words can repair the damage done by words. She explains the power of women friends who show empathy and can just listen; how women use talk to connect - and to subtly compete; how fears of rejection can haunt friendships; how social media is reshaping relationships.Exploring what it means to be friends, helping us hear what we are really saying, understanding how we connect to other people; this illuminating and validating book gets inside the language of one of most women's life essentials - female friendships.
This book provides a basic approach to the linguistic analysis of conversation, building toward a theory of the aesthetics of conversation by analyzing spontaneous talk among friends. It sheds light on such issues as pacing, turn-taking, storytelling, and humor, showing the effects on interaction when participants' conversational styles differ.
Why do daughters complain that their mothers always criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut them out? In her most provocative and engaging book to date, Deborah Tannen takes on the often complex, fraught and passionate mother-daughter relationship
*Wonderful new look for the paperback. *Uses real conversations to shed light on how families communicate (or not!) with each other.
Tannen's classic investigation into how growing up in different parts of the country, having different ethnic and class backgrounds, even age and personality contribute to different conversational styles. Reissued to coincide with her new book The Argument Culture.
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