Bøger af Phil Torcivia

You don't want a bad boy, my dear; at least not in the real world. You can fantasize all you like about a scruffy, Harley-driving, tattooed beast who does things you thought you'd never allow. But, you don't want to meet him, because eventually he's going to shit all over you, emotionally. You need a nice guy. Forget that nonsense about how anything worthwhile is worth working hard for. If you wanted to buy a horse you could ride around the neighborhood, you would never opt for a wild bronco that would scream, thrash, and resist every attempt you made to civilize him. You'd go for the broken stud, and avoid a broken neck. That's why I suggest you recalibrate your penis-homing device. If you're in a bar, and you spot a tanned God in a vintage T-shirt and sandals who winks and slaps your ass as he walks by, run away. Run toward that kind fellow over there-the one who has been down the aisle a few times, and learned how to behave. Have a nice guy!

A parody. When old fart blogger Mormon Silver goes to interview young entrepreneur Bea Plastique, he encounters a woman who is stunning, smart, and scary. The unsophisticated, horny Silver is startled to realize he wants this woman (from behind, mostly) and, despite her mysterious love of ice hockey, finds he is desperate to get close to her (and honk her boobies). Unable to resist Silver's oral skills, silver chin fur, and argyle socks, Plastique admits she wants him, too-but on her own terms. Stunned yet delighted by Plastique's kinkiness, Silver hesitates. For all of her success-her multinational assortment of lubricants, her gay assistant, her condo on a high floor (I mean, really high-you're almost above the clouds, for Christ's sake)-Plastique is a woman haunted by her past and consumed by the need to have hockey-related sex. When the couple embarks on a bold, twisted physical affair, Mormon discovers Bea Plastique's secrets (including a naughty uncle) and explores his own icky, sticky desires. Silly, sexy, and deeply disturbing, Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks is a tale that will make you horny, tickle you, and give you some great ideas to try on an unsuspecting lover.

Welcome, word puzzle fan, to this large-print double word scramble puzzle book. Rearrange the letters to make words related to the theme, then finish the bottom word with numbered letters. This word puzzle book includes 50 puzzles with themes, including: Dog BreedsBody PartsBusiness TermsFamous PeopleCountriesFoodSolving word puzzles is a great way to exercise your mind. Grab your pencil and begin your journey.

It's not easy being the nice guy.Would you rather your man be genuine or nice? Don't you want honesty? To be the nice guy I must constantly look for your best traits, admire them, remind you how much I appreciate them (but, not too often as that would be creepy), and avoid any sensitive areas. This is a chore I must endure if I'm to maintain any friends or lovers. Sad.Well, this book in my Nice Guy series lays out a bunch of crass, sarcastic, swear-word-laden essays chronicling my best efforts, which have failed because I still have two cats and zero vaginas in my bed. I hope that you vicariously enjoy my relationship struggles and that they somehow make your relationship situation seem so much better.You're welcome.

A parody. When silver-chinned blogger, Mormon Silver, first met the horny and hungry young entrepreneur, Beatrice Plastique, it ignited a boff-fest that left mattress stains and sore hineys. Frightened, curious, and still hardened by Bea's twisted erotic tastes, Mormon struggles to keep up. Determined to match her raging sexual desire, he turns to ED medicine and adult toys. Now, Bea and Mormon have it all: syrup, toe-curling orgasms, and a world of freaky kinkery ahead. But, Mormon knows that peeling her away from her evil grandmother and douchie ex, Chris, will pose challenges he could never expect. Mormon must somehow learn to participate in Bea's fetishes without serious injury. And, Bea must overcome her desire to hip-check Mormon into the third row of an skating rink and screw him senseless. Just when it seems all is well, their murmuring together will cause bystanders to point and say ew, banks will threaten foreclosure, and a single blog post will determine their fate.

What is Nice Guy Syndrome?Nice Guy Syndrome is an affliction where a heterosexual male is frustrated because he finds himself caged within the friend zone of women he'd prefer to be dating. Often, he is a kind and sympathetic person who listens well, and lends a shoulder for women to cry on. He's loved and admired, but not the type of fellow women sleep with.If there is a hell, this is it, and I'm in the penthouse.I was raised to be a nice guy. My relatives and teachers instilled in me the importance of: Treating women gentlyProtecting and providing for womenListening to women without judgingUnderstanding what it is women want, even when they don't say the wordsOpening and holding doors for womenHandling certain tasks for womenWriting love notes to womenComplimenting womenI'm a master of the above and, thereby, block my own access to the physical parts of women I long for.So, what's a nice guy to do? Should I shed my skin, get a Harley and tattoos, lose all concern for how I'm perceived, and begin banging lonely chicks by the dozen, just to please my pecker? I can't do it. All I can do is vent, and hope someday, some woman will realize she deserves something better than bad boy bruises.Women love it."Only in the head of Mr. Torcivia will you find such a mix of wise truth about men and their behavior. Don't read this smut in the middle of the airport, LOL, or you will find your face turning the same color as this book cover." - Cathy Cook"Congrats to Phil Torcivia on the newest book! Here's hoping I don't get my Kindle taken away from me by my Doctor's assistant for giggling too loudly in the exam room." - Anita-Michelle Miller"Phil's day to day kindness and sharing of relationships knows no bounds. I most definitely did not believe in the Nice Guy Syndrome until this book. Romantic, delicious with a touch of intrigue and blood." - Gracey CastroRead this book and laugh with (not at) me.Seriously. I'm fragile. Be nice, dammit! I promise a giggle or two from me to you.

A parody. Frightened by the wacky desires and twisted history of the gorgeous, boob-a-licious, young mogul, Bea Plastique, Mormon Silver has ignored all warning signs, and asked for her hand in marriage. Desire for Bea's butt still dominates his dreams, and when she proposes a route there, Mormon cannot resist. They continue their sweltering sexcapades, as Mormon learns more about the disturbing past of his hungry, obsessed, and insatiable lover. While Bea wrestles with her sex toys, Mormon must deal with the fury and cock-blockage of her Grandmother, who came before her (of course), and make the second most important decision of his life-whether or not to reveal that he has had a vasectomy.