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A girl who can bring any object to life with her kiss, a disease that causes people to melt into rainbow-swirling liquids, a world where people need to carry their souls around in little jars, a farmer with nails for eyes who grows a crop of human hands, a war against aliens from the afterlife, a girl who has living worlds tattooed on her arms, and a man who arrives in New York City to discover that all of the inhabitants are missing their mouths. "Sunset with a Beard" is Carlton Mellick III's first collection of short stories. This edition features the original 14 stories of surreal science-fiction, with five bonus stories that were cut from the original release.
Will you escape the giant monsters that are rampaging the fuck out of your city? Aliens are invading the Earth and their ray guns turn people into violent punk rockers. At the same time, the city is being overtaken by giant monsters tougher than Godzilla and Mothra combined. You can choose to be a lone scientist trapped in a secret government lab on a remote island swarming with monstrous killer insects, a badass punk rock chick with a green mohawk caught in a bar room brawl as the city goes up in flames around her, or a desk jockey forced to endure tedious office duties while his building is being attacked by a gargantuan centipede with claws the size of sports utility vehicles. Which character will you become? To become the scientist, turn to page 149. To become the punk chick, turn to page 11. To become the office drone, turn to page 77. But choose wisely! You might conquer a fleet of alien saucers with the help of a high-flying monster-slicing super cat or drown in a giant monster's pool of sperm as it butt-fucks your office building. What will happen next? That's up to you! When the story hits a fork in the road, you get to choose which path to take. The ending will always be different depending on your decisions. Not only that, you can read this book over and over again for a new experience every time!
A tale of marriage, child-rearing, and vaginas that eat people.A man is arrested in the middle of the night. He doesn't know why. He doesn't remember committing any crime. The cops drop him off in a small community in the middle of the woods where a wedding is about to begin. It is his wedding. He doesn't recognize the bride, but she's allegedly pregnant with his children. All twelve of them. And by law, he must marry her or go to prison for the next two decades. But who is this strange woman he is to spend the rest of his life with? She doesn't seem quite human. Her expressions are cold and emotionless. Her movements are like that of a spider. She is Usagi, a creature who feeds on her human mate during pregnancy. Now this man has to find a way to terminate the marriage if he is to survive. But it's not going to be easy. His friends, his family, and his country are all against him. They believe a father should be willing to give up anything for the sake of his family. Even his life. Like Franz Kafka's The Trial meets an erotic body horror version of The Blob, this darkly absurd tale is classic Mellick.
No writer is more extreme, perverted, or gross than Edward Lee. His world is one of psychopathic redneck rapists, sex addicted demons, and semen stealing aliens. Brace yourself, the king of splatterspunk is guaranteed to shock, offend, and make you laugh until you vomit. Bullet Through Your Face collects three novellas demonstrating Lee's mind-blasting talent.Ever Nat - One man is forced to endure an unimaginable torment just to stay alive, one night at a time.The Salt-Diviner - A touching story of one couple and the quadriplegic, homeless fortune teller locked in their basement.The Refrigerator Full of Sperm - Why are all the men of Luntville falling into comas with their pants down and dicks up?
"Think you're hardcore? Think again. If you've handled everything Edward Lee, Wrath James White, and Bryan Smith have thrown at you, then put on your rubber parka, spread some plastic across the floor, and get ready for Ryan Harding, the unsung master of hardcore horror. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. Harding's work is like an acid bath, and pain has never been so sweet." - Brian Keene "Enjoy the tour, friends. Enjoy the gang-bang. You may need psych drugs afterwards, you may need an air-sick bag and a steam shower, but I feel confident that you will be provocatively moved by this book." - Edward Lee, from his introduction Genital Grinder collects the most sought after and most extreme fiction from the diamond in the puke - Ryan Harding.
For the employees of Big Bill's Home Electronics, it's just the end of another long workday-until a gunman bursts into the store and begins shooting. Now, with some of their co-workers dead, the hostages are disappearing one-by-one, and if they want to survive the night, they'll have to escape... THE CAGE.Deadite Press is proud to make Brian Keene's hard-to-find, ultra-violent novella THE CAGE available to a wider audience. Also includes three rare bonus stories: "Marriage Causes Cancer In Rats," "Lest Ye Become," and "Waiting For Darkness"
Too tough to be aborted, Super Fetus fights back!He's a fetus growing in the womb of a whiny white trash whore of a mother. His problem: she wants to have him aborted. But what this bitch doesn't know is that she isn't pregnant with some mild-mannered developing human form. Heck no. This is Super Fetus. He has an attitude and he is deter mined to be born, whether she likes it or not. Doing push-ups in the womb day and night, until he becomes amazingly buff, this little fetus is prepared to fight off the onslaught of vacuums, tongs, coat hangers, and scalpels. Once that sonofabitch doctor comes for him... he'll be ready. A horrific and humorous romp with strange characters, stranger sex scenes, and one kick-ass musclebound fetus.
A creepy cute, voodoo cartoon set in a world of ghouls, witches, and pink monkeys. Slub Glub (a blue glob-like creature) has awoken to find his world has been flooded by the tears of the Weeping Willows. His quest to help cure the sadness of the willows leads him on an interplanetary adventure that will reveal the secret meaning of the world. Alongside the beautiful weeping Willowmina, he will encounter raccoon bandits, hyena-riding witches, a Baron who controls ghosts, Seamort the giant squid, and finally Lump-Lump, the Omnipotent Master of All Reality disguised as a beach bum. Like a more twisted Jim Henson or a rockabilly Tim Burton, this is a brilliantly surreal tale for children of all ages and a perfect introduction to the weird world of musician/artist/author Andrew Goldfarb.
Absurd philosophies, dark surrealism, and the end of the human race . . . God hates you. All of you. He closed the gates of Heaven and wants you to rot on Earth forever. Not only that, he is repossesing your souls and feeding them to a large vagina-like machine called the Walm - an interdimensional doorway that brings His New Children into the world. He loves these new children, but He doesn't love you. They are more interesting than you. They are beautiful, psychotic, magical, sex-crazed, and deadly. They are turning your cities into apocalyptic chaos, and there's nothing you can do about it ... Featuring: a narrator who sees his body from a third-person perspective, a man whose flesh is dead but his body parts are alive and running amok, an overweight messiah, the personal life of the Grim Reaper, lots of classy sex and violence, and a motley group of squatter punks that team up with the devil to find their place in a world that doesn't want them anymore. "This generation's Vonnegut!" - Vincent Sakowski
There exists a race of cannibals who are made out of candy. They live in an underground world filled with lollipop forests and gumdrop goblins. During the day, while you are away at work, they come above ground and prowl our streets for food. Their prey: your children. They lure young boys and girls to them with their sweet scent and bright colorful candy coating, then rip them apart with razor sharp teeth and claws. When he was a child, Franklin Pierce witnessed the death of his siblings at the hands of a candy woman with pink cotton candy hair. Since that day, the candy people have become his obsession. He has spent his entire life trying to prove that they exist. And after discovering the entrance to the underground world of the candy people, Franklin finds himself venturing into their sugary domain. His mission: capture one of them and bring it back, dead or alive. Cannibals of Candyland is an erotic horror story for the bizarro reader. Dark, disturbing, and absurd; this isn't the board game version of candy land you used to play as a kid.
Road Warrior Werewolves versus McDonaldland Mutants...post-apocalyptic fiction has never been quite like this.They call themselves the Warriors, their enemies call them the Bitches. They are a gang of man-eating, motorcycle-riding, war-hungry werewolf women, and they are the rulers of the wasteland.A century after the fall of civilization, only one city remains standing. It is a self-contained utopian society protected by a three-hundred-foot-high steel wall. The citizens of this city live safe, peaceful lives, completely ignorant to the savagery that takes place beyond the walls. They are content and happy, blindly following the rules of the fascist fast food corporation that acts as their government. But when Daniel Togg, a four-armed bootlegger from the dark side of town, is cast out of the walled city, he soon learns why the state of the outside world has been kept secret. The wasteland is a chaotic battleground filled with giant wolves, mutant men, and an army of furry biker women who are slowly transforming into animals. Trapped on the wrong side of a war zone, Daniel Togg makes new friends and new enemies, while uncovering the mysteries of the people living in the wasteland and how they came to be there.Including 45 illustrations by the author, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland is an epic bizarro tale of dehumanization, gender separation, consumption, and violent sexual awakenings. A fast-paced post-apocalyptic adventure in the vein of The Road Warrior, featuring a very unique werewolf mythology.
"Like a bionic Ralph Bakshi reborn from snorting Orwell's ashes, Kevin Shamel drags cherished childhood fantasies into the gutter of adulthood, and makes you pay dearly to swallow them all over again. Intelligence is a universal disease, but never fear... Rotten Little Animals just may be the cure we've been praying for." - Cody Goodfellow, author of Radiant Dawn and Silent Weapons For Quiet Wars. "Looney Tunes amped up on cocaine, sex and soft, silky fur and feathers. Shamel's debut is wildly entertaining and destined to become an instant bizarro classic." - Gina Ranalli "This book has three of my favorites things: Kittens, Zombies, and Snuff Films." - Jeff Burk "It begins as a zombie film, transforms into a deranged puppet show, and ends with a car chase. If you ever wondered what a Pixar exploitation film would be like, you need Rotten Little Animals." - Cameron Pierce "Written with the humor of Adult Swim, but with enough psychological profundity to matter. Shamel is a bright motherfucker!" - Forrest Armstrong Animals are people too! And that is messed up. So they have independent cinema.See what happens when an animal film crew kidnap a human boy and make a movie of the abduction. Read things about Nature that just aren't natural. Fear your pets from this day forward.With zombie-cat attacks, gun-blasting massacres, drugged-out puppet shows, exploding car chases, camera-chickens, bat acrobats, wild sex, martini parties and torture-ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS is a crazy ride through the underground animal film scene and on to the Big Time.
Combine an optimistic realtor selling a home with a sexual playground, a kindergartener convinced he's actually French and something called, "Chicken Soup for the Kidnapper's Soul," and you get Patrick Wensink's hilarious collection of short stories. Sex Dungeon for Sale! Takes these bold characters and a few other outrageous situations to create an unforgettable and quick literary ride.While keeping an eye focused on the surreal, but both feet firmly planted in reality, these stories dissect a modern world so strange you have to laugh. Wensink's punchy style is perfect for the brevity-obsessed Twitter generation, but saves room in his utility belt of brief tales for humor, humanity and an extra helping of WTF?."Irreverent, outrageous, and fearless in his choice of material, Patrick Wensink has a true knack for absurdity. Sex Dungeon for Sale! takes facets of everyday American life and twists them until they gag out comedic gold."-Joey Goebel, author of Torture the Artist and The Anomalies"In his collection of stories Sex Dungeon For Sale!, Patrick Wensink demonstrates a gift for darkly absurdist humor that (just guessing here) surely derives from watching either too much or not enough television. Outfitted with a keen ear, a gently warped perspective, and a closet full of polyester concert t-shirts (again, pure supposition), Wensink's evident writerly talents make this an auspicious debut."-James Greer, author of Artificial Light and The Failure"Patrick Wensink, you smell fantastic." -Patrick Wensink, author of Sex Dungeon for Sale!
There's a new genre rising from the underground. Its name: BIZARRO. For years, readers have been asking for a category of fiction dedicated to the weird, crazy, cult side of storytelling that has become a staple in the film industry (with directors such as David Lynch, Takashi Miike, Tim Burton, and even Lloyd Kaufman) but has been largely ignored in the literary world, until now. The Bizarro Starter Kit features short novels and story collections by ten of the leading authors in the bizarro genre: Ray Fracalossy, Jeremy C. Shipp, Jordan Krall, Mykle Hansen, Andersen Prunty, Eckhard Gerdes, Bradley Sands, Steve Aylett, Christian TeBordo, and Tony Rauch.
The Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere is a collection of three short novels by a master of satire. Mykle Hansen's subversive tales capture the smugness of mainstream culture. He thrusts his characters into absurd and humorous situations that reveal the defects in the modern social fabric. With the wit of Christopher Moore, the inventiveness of Terry Gilliam and the rudeness of South Park, Hansen's surreal fiction is ridiculously fun to read. Three Bizarro Novels: MONSTER COCKS: A poignant tragedy of penis enlargement gone horribly wrong. JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF AGNES CUDDLEBOTTOM: A gripping history of the first Starbucks in the anus of an 80-year-old prostitute. CRAZY SHITTING PLANET: A touching parable of love, friendship, and feces.
"This is perhaps the weirdest book that anyone has ever written, or will ever write. Donihe is the best kept secret of the bizarro fiction genre." - Carlton Mellick III, author of Adolf in Wonderland There once was an odd reclusive little man who was in love with his house. He loved this house not in the way that normal people love their homes. His was a more intimate love, like the love between two humans. He loved his house so much that he asked it to marry him, and he believed that his house happily replied with a yes. Unfortunately, their love was to be torn apart the day before their wedding, on the day of the great house holocaust. On this day, every house in the world collapsed for no explainable reason. It was as if they killed themselves, and took many of their occupants with them. Distraught and despairing over the death of his fiancée, this man must go on a quest to find out what happened to his beloved home. On his quest: He will meet Tony, a self-declared superhero, who looks kind of like a black Man-At-Arms from the old He-Man cartoons and claims to protect the world from quasi-dimensional psychopomps with his powerful sexpounding abilities. He will meet Manhaus, who seems to be part man and part house. And, finally, he will venture to House Heaven, a world where houses live inside of bigger houses made of people.
Trapped in a remote Alaskan forest, pinned under his own SUV, gnawed upon by nature's finest predators, Marv Pushkin -- Corporate Warrior, Positive Thinker, Esquire subscriber -- waits impatiently for an ambulance and explains in detail the many reasons why this unfolding tragedy is everyone's fault but his own.
America post apocalypse...a toxic wasteland populated by bloodthristy scavengers, mutated animals, and roving bands of organized militias wing for control of civilized society's leftovers. Housed in small settlements that pepper the wasteland, the survivors of the third world war struggle to rebuild amidst the scourge of sickness and disease and the constant threat of attack from the horrors that roam beyond their rudimentary borders. But something much worse has risen from the toxic fog, a menace whose ferocity rivals the legendary wrath of Bloody Mary and her Revenant Clan.People say that this new menace is responsible for the Revenant Clan's sudden disappearance, that Bloody Mary had finally met her match. Or maybe the reports of yellow-red eyes glaring from the darkness were all part of Griff's mind games.
In a future where everyone in the world has been drafted into the military, there is only one enemy left to fight . . . ourselves. Five exhausted soldiers are sitting in the middle of a frozen Arctic wasteland, waiting for something to happen. They don't know why they are there or what they are supposed to be doing. Their superior officers have stopped giving them orders, their food supply is running low, and they are unsure whether or not their enemy actually exists at all. Once they lose their war slut (a transmorphing sex cyborg), the soldiers leave the safety of their camp in order to get it back. Only what they find out in the dark icy landscape is something far beyond what they ever could have imagined. Part 1984, part Waiting for Godot, and part action horror video game adaptation of John Carpenter's The Thing, WAR SLUT is a fast-paced dystopian tale of the dark and the absurd.
Oscar Legbo is the 7-time winner of the Tour de Saucisse-Dommages, but lately he's been under stress. Having survived the Ebola virus and witnessed the death of his coach in the same 365-day period, he must now withstand the taunts and insults of riders who don't understand his two all-encompassing motivations for living...... the sharing of Agape Love and the protection of bugs everywhere.
Meet Charles, a demon forced to work shitty minimum wage jobs ever since Hell went out of business. He now lives in Grape City, which would be the worst place on Earth, provided all other cities weren't just as bad. While adjusting to his new way of life, Charles passes the time by writing emails to Satan, going on blind dates with mortal women, and attempting to fit in with human society . . . . . . unfortunately society is a mess of chaotic absurdities in which bang-murdering and hack-raping are cultural norms."
There's a new genre rising from the underground. Its name: BIZARRO. For years, readers have been asking for a category of fiction dedicated to the weird, crazy, cult side of storytelling that has become a staple in the film industry (with directors such as David Lynch, Takashi Miike, Tim Burton, and Lloyd Kaufman) but has been largely ignored in the literary world, until now. The Bizarro Starter Kit features short novels and story collections by ten of the leading authors in the bizarro genre: D. Harlan Wilson, Carlton Mellick III, Jeremy Robert Johnson, Kevin L Donihe, Gina Ranalli, Andre Duza, VIncent W. Sakowski, Steve Beard, John Edward Lawson, and Bruce Taylor.
Returning to his avant-punk style introduced in the international cult hit, SATAN BURGER, Carlton Mellick III takes us on a journey into an absurd afterlife called PUNK LAND: the punk version of Heaven. The story follows Goblin, a deformed young hermit who is perfectly happy haunting an abandoned gatehouse far outside of civilization with his pet dildo, Frog Strips, until two strangers named Nan and Mortician arrive at his doorstep with a crazy story that turns his quiet post-life existence upside-down. Goblin soon finds himself mixed up in a war between corporate punks and traditional punks that he really couldn't care less about. But without the help of Goblin, Mortician's sperm, and a blue-mohawked female assassin named Shark Girl, the utopian anarchy in Punk Land will surely be lost. Featuring cameos by famous punk icons and cartoonish illustrations in the tradition of Kurt Vonnegut's "Breakfast of Champions." This Bizarro novel is Carlton Mellick III's most fun and hilarious book to date.
You're on the run from the cops and need a place to disappear somehow. Luckily you happen across a secret ocean in the middle of Wyoming. An undiscovered world of zombies and pirates that, according to maps, couldn't possibly exist. But here it is, a vast white sea that is made of some kind of greasy blubber substance instead of water.
Step into a world filled with racist teenagers, masked assassins, cannibals, a telekinetic hitman, 100 warped Uncle Sams, automobiles with razor-sharp teeth, living graffiti, cartoons that walk and talk, a steroid-addicted pro-athlete, an angry black chic, a washed-up Barbara Walters clone, the threat of a war to end all wars, and a pissed-off zombie bitch out for revenge. When the police finally capture the number one suspect in the Bloody Mary Murders, a single-mother named Natasha Armstrong, nobody believes her story about her twelve-year search for the real killer, a murderous walking corpse who has no eyes but can still see, who moves like a bad stop-motion incarnation, but does so with ethereal grace. Nobody believes her when she tells them about all the bodies, or the people they used as game for the military-style obstacle courses that Bloody Mary and her soldiers, a ragtag group made up mostly of runaways, would build wherever they'd settle in any given town to recruit more soldiers and prepare for the end of civilization as we know it.
Meet Joe, the ill-fated tour guide at the center of a story that beings with the death of Abraham Lincoln, at Joe's hands.There are strange happenings going on at Dactyl, Inc., the world's first and only time travel tourism company. So strange that Joe, a tour guide, is promoted to the new position of Chief of Probes. His first probe: find out who's been traveling back in time and torturing his boss in rather disturbing ways.Joe finds himself catapulted from his dull life into a surreal journey where a blind hog-tying monkey is one of the sanest creatures he meets. Traveling through a past where the only thing that changes the present is death, while dealing with the fabric of space-time slowly unraveling, Joe stumbles into the middle of events that threaten both the Earth's future and past.
In this collection of stories, D. Harlan Wilson deconditions the boundaries of reality with the same offbeat methodology that energized his first book The Kafka Effekt. Stranger on the Loose is an absurdist account of urban and suburban social dynamics, and of the effects that contemporary image-culture has on the (in)human condition. These stories operate on a plane of existence that resists, and in many cases breaks, the laws of causality. Parrots teach college courses. Fl?neurs impersonate bowling pins. Bodybuilders sneak into people's homes and strike poses at their leisure. Passive-aggressive glaciers and miniature elephant-humans antagonize the seedy streets of Suburbia. Apes disguised as scientists reincarnate Walt Disney, who discovers that he is a Chinese box full of disguised Walt Disneys . . . Wilson's imagination is a rare specimen. The acorns of his fiction are planted in the soil of normalcy, but what grows out of that soil is a dark, witty, otherworldly jungle.
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