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Step into a dark and absurd where human beings are slaves to corporations, people are photocopied instead of born, and the baby jesus is a very popular anal probe.
Heaven is no longer a paradise. It was once a blissful utopia full of wonders far beyond human comprehension. But that was a long, long time ago. The afterlife is now in ruins. It has become an ugly, lonely wasteland populated by strange monstrous beasts, masturbating angels, and sad man-like beings wallowing in the remains of the once-great Kingdom of God. As two men die and awake in Heaven, they find themselves inside of new bodies with strange alien skin. They no longer remember their previous lives. All they really know is that the afterlife is a horrible, ugly place. Desperately seeking answers, allies, and refuge, these two newcomers explore this surreal world. But what they will soon find is that Heaven has become a place not that much different from Hell.
After a reality bomb goes off at the first ever ShatnerCon, all of the characters ever played by William Shatner are suddenly sucked into our world. Their mission: hunt down and destroy the real William Shatner. Featuring: Captain Kirk, TJ Hooker, Denny Crane, Priceline Shatner, Cartoon Kirk, Rescue 9-1-1 Shatner, singer Shatner, and many more. No costumed con-goer will be spared in their wave of destruction, no red shirt will make it out alive, and not even the Klingons will be able to stand up to a deranged Captain Kirk with a light saber. But these Shatner- clones are about to learn a hard lesson . . . that the real William Shatner doesn't take crap from anybody. Not even himself.
For God so loved the world that he gave his only two begotten sons. and a few million zombiesThugs, pushers, gangsters, rapists, murderers; Detective Philip Makane thought he'd seen it all until he awoke on the morning of Easter Sunday 2015, to a world filled with bleeding rain, ravenous zombies, a homicidal ghost, and the sudden arrival of two men with extraordinary powers who both claim to be Jesus Christ in the flesh.
Herein are the singular adventures of one Millford Mutterwurst, whoone day makes the unpleasant discovery that his elbows are becomingflatter - an unpleasant effect of the nefarious act of slow poisoning.He is soon joined by a blue and globular companion named Slub Glub andone translucent monkey in a frenetic balloon voyage to dangerous islesand disturbing planets in a desperate attempt to escape this deadlywithering. A tale told in eighty dizzying chapters, all of themexceedingly short, and filled with strange songs and obliqueillustrations.
Roy is a washing machine messiah. Recently turned human, he must pave the way for the coming of the washer-men. Unfortunately, Roy is not a very good messiah. More obsessed with the daytime Soap Opera Sands of Eternity, Roy deviates from his mission in order to follow his dream of acting in a scene with its beautiful leading lady, before she is retired from the show. But Roy soon discovers that the rise to stardom isn't a simple task, especially for man whose mouth is an out-of-control washing machine. A menagerie of freaks, bukkake hair treatments, sexually deranged divas, super powered superstars, snuff films, gloop l unches, and a murderous washing machine man known only as The Dark Washer-all await Roy on his quest through the bowels of the day-time drama industry. It's The Little Mermaid meets O'Lucky Man, filtered through Futurama. Washer Mouth is a totally fucking insane satire of Soap Operas that could only come from the unbalanced mind of Kevin L Donihe.
Deep in The Land of Broodsarrow, just outside the village of Gneirwil, and high on a cliff overlooking the Everbleed Sea, there stands the faggiest gothic castle that any mortal being has ever seen. Living in this ancient faggy castle is none other than the well-renowned vampire, Dargoth Van Gloomfang. The citizenry of Broodsarrow sure has its share of faggy vampires, but old Dargoth has always been by far the faggiest of them all. That is, until a new vampire came to town. A younger, hippper vampire. One that emits such a grand amount of fagginess that one cannot help but be completely overwhelmed by his presence. Now Dargoth Van Gloomfang must figure out a way to out-shine this young newcomer if he wishes to ever reclaim his throne as . . . the faggiest vampire.
Something very strange is happening in LeHorn's Hollow... Eerie, piping music is heard late at night, and mysterious fires have been spotted deep in the woods. Women are vanishing without a trace overnight, leaving behind husbands and families. When up-and-coming novelist Adam Senft stumbles upon an unearthly scene, it plunges him and the entire town into an ancient nightmare. Folks say the woods in LeHorn's Hollow are haunted, but what waits there is far worse than any ghost. It has been summoned...and now it demands to be satisfied.
"Scott McClanahan is a powerful, exceptional writer, and the overall effect of reading his deceptively simple stories is like getting hit in the head by a champion cage fighter cranked up on meth that was cooked in a trailer without running water in some Kentucky backwoods where people sing murder ballads to their children to put them to sleep."-DONALD RAY POLLOCK, author of The Devil All the Time"He might be one of the great southern storytellers of our time." -VOL. 1 BROOKLYN"When I discovered the stories of Scott McClanahan last year, I was instantly enthralled with his natural storytelling voice and freaky funny tales. There's no pretense to Scott's work. It's like you're just dropped right into the middle of these fantastic and true stories. It's like a sweet blend of my favorite southern writers, Larry Brown and Harry Crews. Reading McClanahan is like listening to a good friend telling you his best real-life stories on your back porch on a humid night. And you both got a nice whiskey buzz going." -KEVIN SAMPSELL, author of A Common Pornography"McClanahan's prose is unfettered and kinetic and his stories seem like a hyper-modern iteration of local color fiction. His delivery is guileless and his morality ambivalent and you get the sense, while reading him, that he is sitting next to you on a barstool, eating peanuts and drinking a beer, and intermittently getting up to pick a song on the jukebox." -THE RUMPUS"Reads like Bukowski with more surprises." -IMPOSE MAGAZINE
"Smith promises unimaginable brutality, bile-inducing fear, and unfathomable despair; and then delivers monumentally." -Horror Web "A feast of good old-fashioned horror." -Brian Keene, author of Ghoul They are The Dark Ones. The name began as a self-deprecating joke, but it stuck and now it's a source of pride. They're the one who don't fit in. The misfits who drink and smoke too much and stay out all hours of the night. Everyone knows they're trouble. On the outskirts of Ransom, TN is an abandoned, boarded-up house. Something evil happened there long ago. The evil has been contained there ever since, locked down tight in the basement-until the night The Dark Ones set it free...
"Unflinching and uncompromising, tough and talented, Shane McKenzie stands at the forefront of the next generation of horror writers." -Bentley Little, Stoker Award winning author of The Summoning, The Store, and The Haunted "Edward Lee fans are going to dig All You Can Eat! My advice? Devour this in one sitting, before it eats you!" - J. F. Gonzalez, Author of Survivor and the co-author of the Clickers series. Deep is Texas there is a Chinese restaurant that harbors a secret. Its food is delicious and the secret ingredient ensures that once you have one bite you'll never be able to stop. But when the food runs out and the customers turn to cannibalism, the kitchen staff must take up arms against these obese people-eaters or else be next on the menu!
Welcome to Walrus Tales-the only anthology of walrusian fiction on the planet. Herein, find tales of all stripes: horrific, satiric, comedic, tragic, erotic, and a bunch of other "-ic" and "non-ic" words, like "Lovecraftian" and "Bizarro." Why devote an entire anthology to walruses? Perhaps I admire their large ivory tusks and wish I had a set of my own. Perhaps I sense something vaguely mystical about them and wonder if they're privy to ancient secrets. Perhaps a walrus saved my grandfather from drowning off the coast of Greenland. In the end, it doesn't matter. Walrus Tales is here, so stop asking questions and let it into your soul. Let it fill the pinniped-shaped void for walrus-centric fiction you never knew you had. Featuring stories by Bentley Little, John Skipp, Carlton Mellick III, Nick Mamatas, Alan M. Clark, Mykle Hansen, Rhys Hughes, Violet LeVoit, Ekaterina Sedia, Andersen Prunty, Bradley Sands, Gina Ranalli, and more.
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