Dysfunctional Love - Holly Garner - Bog

The Shocking Truth About the State of Relationship: Dysfunctional Love More females are damaged by the actions of their intimate partner than by car crashes, home invasions and rapes combined (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence). Many of them never saw it coming. This data was collected between 2000 and 2007, before the economic meltdown swept through America like a raging wildfire. "If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night" says former Wisconsin Representative Mark Green. Most abuse goes on behind closed doors and many victims go to great lengths to conceal its effects as long as possible. In extreme cases, it leads to bankruptcy, job loss or career setback, cancer, heart attack, stroke, suicide or post-traumatic stress. Actress Nicole Kidman says, "This is an appalling human rights violation, yet it remains one of the invisible and under-recognized pandemics of our time. But it is not inevitable. We can put a stop to this." The need for a working knowledge of the warning signs of abuse is expressed in G.K. Chesterton's famous quote, "Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed." Must-read Chapters The Dysfunctional Partner The Altered State Excerpt "...You don't snap out of it, it subsumes you. When you think you're coming out of it, the desire for the delight of it pulls you back in. So how do you know if you are in such a state? -changes in appearance and behavior -changes in personal morals and social values -taking inappropriate risks, including of dependents -self-inflicted harm (not limited to physical) Being in an altered state happens when your perceptions are played with and your thoughts are manipulated.... This state affects your entire outlook and warps your perspective in unproductive ways. Promises are the central ingredient .... This is how all dangerous relationships begin.... The reason this is so effective is that promises attach to the core of your inner being, their irresistibility cut through your better judgment. It's primal stuff, which is why it works so imperceptibly and powerfully. This principle applies to other kinds of cons (financial, political, professional, etc.). It's the same recipe all made with different ingredients according to the deep desires it will satisfy on the emotional palate. The altered states that propel you into this experience get extra mileage from the attributes you possess that make it easier for the con artist to run his game: naiveté, need for approval, loyalty, patience, compassion, persistence, love, self-sacrifice, forbearance, high willingness, sense of responsibility, gullibility and an inadequate self image....