Bøger af Brad Gosse

Moms and Dads Lie without any shame. About Going to the gym. Or when they cheat at board games. Mom lies to dad when she tells him that she's fine. Or pretends to want salad when she really wants fries. They say that they're sick so they can skip out on work. Mom also lied when she said she didn't know how to twerk. Some people lie about their own height and weight. Others will lie about what they just ate. They pretend to have money. When they're drowning in debt. They say "I'm not drunk". They say "I'm not stressed". Busy-busy-busy is always 3 lies. People lie by wearing fake merchandise. People will lie when they go out on first dates. About body counts. The Magic number is eight. People lie when they say "I'm On My Way". Some people lie when they say they aren't gay. When people hate their job they make up occupations. Some tell stories about fake educations. Some people pretend that they're seeing somebody. While others who are married DM everybody. It's a lie when someone says "I don't want a gift". People pretend to be happy when their marriage is on a cliff. Even though you're a kid it's important to know. Everyone Lies and Everyone Knows.

Sometimes your mom is something more. She may be your cousin which means therefore. You're inbred because your parents related. A brother and sister who shouldn't have mated. Billy-Bob was born from siblings who fucked. Cindy-Lou's parents, cousins of bad conduct. Skeeter's mom was also his granny. Mary Grace was birthed from her dad's sisters fanny. You're gonna be okay because you were mixed. A donkey and bear, it started with a kiss. Inbreeding began with kings and with queens. Trying to protect the purity of their genes

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There once was a cat.... That always shat. He shat on this. He shat on that. He shat on your brothers baseball bat. He shat on a rat. He shat on a mat. He shat on the desk of a lazy bureaucrat. He shat on a hat. He shat on a gnat. He shat on a man while he screamed.... Bumbaclat!. Wherever he went he left behind shat. He often shat wherever you sat. He even Shat. On the tail of a cat. One time he shat. On a jar of pork fat. Use a toilet? No! Said the cat. I'm a lazy cat. Who likes to lay flat. Your job is simple. To clean up my shat.

Camel Tony loves sandwiches with roast beef. Camel Tony Doesn't mind if you queef. He sits at the back of your yoga class. When you're in downward dog, he looks at your ass. Camel Tony likes to visit the beach. And he loves everything flavoured with peach. He'll pick up tampons when he shops. Wherever he goes, he brings a bucket and a mop. Camel Tony loves to eat lima beans. And he doesn't care if your vagina's clean. Camel Tony has a cute little Beagle. Camel Tony can teach you how to kegel. Camel Tony loves eating pie. And he never leaves a good woman dry. Camel Tony hangs out in coffee shops. Camel Tony loves to munch box. Camel Tony enjoys taking flowers. Camel Tony doesn't care if you shower. Camel Tony will always pet your kitty. But he won't pay any attention to your titties.

The Star Whores are here and they're ready to service all your Star Whoring needs. The only legitimate guide to intergalactic hookers written in a "kid's style" so you can read it to at bedtime. These voluptuous galactic hookers are ready to help you make all your intergalactic dreams come true. The book has full-color pictures of all the hookers in the book and their job description. Some of the hookers in the book are: Booba the SlutBillabla the PenetratorPokakkusPrincess LaidyaMermaneaterTribooba FetGimpy EndingMoshi SukmeatTasha EarholesFurryfoss

With this new year came a new kind of culture. Everyone wants everyone fired. They're vultures. They go online just to get outraged. They find some offense on every web page. The topic of alcohol triggers feelings of bad. Because your family tore apart thanks to your drunk dad. Topics like abuse will trigger so many. Because dad hit mom. He'll serve 5-20. They want protection from all the things that hurt. They'll stalk you offline and you might lose your shirt. Content online sends their rage through the ceiling. Even though nobody is responsible for their feelings. They wish everything to be rainbows and puppies. Just like when they were kids with teddy bear stuffies. You can't censor the internet with your limited power. So blame your parents for raising a delicate flower.

When we think of strangers we picture a van. Sometimes we picture a dirty old man. Sometimes there's candy. Sometimes there's a clown. Sometimes your mom's sick. In a hospital downtown. Strangers don't always appear to be strange. They don"t always look like the peeps on this page. The scariest strangers still offer you candy. But they don't look at all like sex offender randy. Pimps are strangers that aren't very funny. Leprechauns lure you with gold and with money. Creepy is the bee keeper who offers you honey. But whatever happens. Don't trust the easter bunny.

Boo-Cockee is a rooster who comes around too often. Boo-Cockee flies in the face of other pun books. This cartoon adult humour book will drown you in innuendo.

Today is the day of the very big race. White car, black car and yellow car too. Who will win the race wars? If you only knew.

The holidays are when we go. To grandmas house right through the snow. We love her turkey cannot lie. Until gran gets that look in her eye. One drink. Two drink. Three drink. Four. Grandma suddenly remembers the war. Remember why to keep a straight face. When light dinner conversation turns to race. Even while the gifts unwrap. Grandma won't shut up about the japs. Black people. Brown people. Polish or Jew. Our grandmother probably hates you. On the drive home our daddy will say. Remember we didn't bring you up that way. Dad claims to be an equality defender. Until the conversation, turns to gender

Your mom does important work at her job. And volunteers on weekends to clean up after slobs. She does all the shopping and takes care of you. But after you go to sleep she's got nothing to do. She spends lots of time on her tablet. And phone. What does she do at night when she's all alone?. Her notifications don't seem to relax. Yep. You guessed it. Mom's posting thirst traps. She loves it when randoms slide in her dms. She says she can't make any female friends. Your mom's a good lady. I'm spitting straight facts. Just let her enjoy her nightly thirst traps.

Murder hornets were all the rage. Until COVID-19 took the stage. 2020 should have been your glow up year. Terrorizing people with your unique brand of fear. Stories of your sprees of murder. Replaced with exhausted health care workers. Everyone stayed home this year. Preventing you from spreading fear. Out shined by another Asian invasion. Covid-19 became the big occasion. In the beginning, fear was evoked. Now you have become a joke.

We all know that person who has a racist dog. This book is the perfect gift for your dog owning friend.Doctor Please HelpMy Little Dog JackHe Only Likes Whitesand That Is a Fact

Everyone loves ice cream when it comes to your street on a truck. But there are a lot of unanswered questions about the ice cream man like where does he pee and how does he get clean?

Monkey's are cute. But they aren't great pets. Your mom brought one home. Now your bed is all wet. George is what you named. Your new friend. He seems cute today. But well, this won't end. We sent him away. To a very nice place. But your mom won't recover. He tore off her face.

Boomer always complains at the store. When yesterday's special isn't available anymore. Boomer gives unsolicited advice. Boomer always struggles with his device. Boomer demands your supervisor. And never orders the appetizer. Boomer travels all the time. And still maintains a landline. Boomer denies climate change. And always goes to the driving range. Boomer maintains a perfect lawn. To help forget the children have gone. Boomer unknowingly makes racial slurs. And doesn't believe in entrepreneurs. Boomer wants to tell you she's broke. And recognizes the signs of a stroke. Boomer still reads the morning paper. And protests against new skyscrapers. Boomer always trims his hedges. Against black people, she always alleges

When your mommy died. Your dad had it rough. He got himself right. Even though it was tough. So he set himself up with a dating profile. He shaved off his stubble. And polished his smile. It's been a long time since your dad went on dates. And he came home happy. Everything turned out great. But things seem strange with your dads new lady. He's taking her on lots of big shopping trips lately. She's not even affectionate with your dear old dad. Always too tired for sex and that's bad. And then something happened that seems kinda strange. He bought her a house. Just a few blocks away. His girlfriend won't touch him. She calls him a wimp. I'm sorry to tell you your daddy's a simp.

Born with an oversized throat so grand, A rare condition you'd never planned, Swallowing objects with greatest ease, Her presence at parties, always a tease. White and fluffy, a female goat, With a giant neck, she likes to gloat, She'll take things down, both large and small, She's Becky the Throat Goat, standing tall.

Braydon Was Swallowed By A PelicanA House Plant Killed Baby ChristianMandy Was Drowned In A Mob HitColton Was Surprised When His Pet Snake BitKira Was Clawed Buy A Monkey At The ZooRicky Choked On Dads Old Coins Boo HooRey Had A Head Injury And DiedKali Overdosed On Nitrous OxideJay Was Killed By Building DebrisBreyden Died Under The Branches Of TreesCoolface Was Killed In A Game Of DartsKodie Was Killed Surfing With The SharksA Pitchfork Killed Sage At The FarmLex Lost His Legs And His ArmsGavin Choked On A SquidLayne Was Force Fed A Bottle Of AcidBatch Died Alone On The Tire SwingBinoculars Killed Drew, He Was Bird WatchingRon Was Stabbed In The Back Of His HeadThe Iron Fell On Heather And Killed Her Dead

Mittens Peed in moms laptop case. Benny rubbed dead racoon all over his face. Alex bit off your left pinky toe. Polly chewed your eye and even swallowed. Fluffy can't stop bringing home dead birds. Homer ate too many animal turds. Barbie coughed up a lot of hairballs. This dog got anxious and scratched up a wall. Bo-bo always smells like piss. Rex is about to have a meeting with dads fists. This cat attacked your pet hamster named Duke. We're putting Chucky down because he always pukes. Kramer went to the pound for having smelly shits. This cat is in trouble for throwing hissy fits. Foster Stained the freshly cleaned carpet. Mimi shreds everything we bring home from the market. Cody drags his dirty ass on the clean floor. Tigger hides dead rodents behind the closet door. Winston tore off your moms pretty face. Tony ate the dog. so we sent him to a nice place.

Before the police, they had to control. The animalistic urges of people with holes. In their morality and sin, they would revel. So we created the Angels and Devils. To account for why we're here on this earth. And explaining how the first people birthed. Today religion is still used to manage. People who want to take some advantage. It's a sin to take somebody's life. You also can't lust for your neighbor's hot wife. Every culture invents evil and good. To keep you from having fun in your hood. Jesus, Ganesh, Buddha, and Krishna. Keep you from coveting your neighbor Patricia.

Talk to the boss. You might be getting fired. Unpaid parking tickets. Your attention is required. Doctor says bend over and cough. Hot step mom wants to help you get off. THIS couch, for money, is where you must goes. Sometimes a fireman needs to empty his hose. In bed with one lover. the other hides away. ordered a pizza. Can't afford to pay. Picked up a hitch hiker. She can't thank you enough. You wound up in prison and it's gonna get rough. HOT step sister and friend stole your PS4. You got caught shoplifting at your favourite store. You went for a massage that came with a feel. You met with a realtor but only closed one deal. The plumber is here. Your pipes need to be cleaned. Step-sister is stuck in the washing machine.

14 of Brad's most popular dark humour books in one volume. Enjoy titles like: 18 Ways To Tell Kids That Their Parents DiedBuster: The Perverted GhostCandi's Nuts: Come in the morning each dayClip Clop: The Racist Horse CopGluck Gluck 9000Ice Cream Man: Goes Pee In The Back Of His TruckMike Hunt: Smells Like FishMom Runs Trains: On the weekend with dad's friendsMy Racist Dog: Only Trusts WhitesSlappy Will: Kids Guide To Bullying in the WorkplaceStar Whores: Sex Workers Across The GalaxySweat Shop Kids: Make Everything You OwnThere Is No Farm: Kids Guide To Understanding EuthanasiaWhy Daddy Hits Mommy: Kid's Guide To Understanding AlcoholismThese books are also available individually.Full colour pages and cover art included.

Inspired by Paris Hilton's TikTok challenge. Sugar babies at dad's new place that's hot. Karen asking for the manager at a funeral. That's not. Losing your home in a fire that's hot. Creepy guys offering you candy that's not. A freshly made cup of coffee that's hot. Dead baby under the ice that's not. Summer days at the beach that's hot. Your pet hamster getting herpes that's not. When a baby dies in a fire that's hot. Eating food from the ground that's not. A fire breathing dragon that's hot. Spitting in another kids mouth that's not. Fire roasting marshmallows that's hot. Licking dirty toilet seats that's not. Your homeless grandmothers camp fire. That's hot. Sneezing in another kids drink that's not. Spending eternity in the pits of hell. That's hot. Finding wet balloon tubes in moms room. That's not. A steaming pile of fresh poo that's hot. Kissing dirty doorknobs that's not. A fiery plane crash that's hot. Gary the gorilla getting gonorrhea. that's not

Luis Stopped Hanging From The CeilingPeyton Died From Internal BleedingHunter Met His End With A GuillotineCruz Was Eaten By His Lizard ChristineKarma Was Killed By A Sea ShellClimbing A Gate That's What Killed DanielleAzy Was Amputated By His Angry LawyerA Head Injury Is How We Lost SawyerOwen Put A Big Knife Into His MouthRoyce Was Killed On A Fishing Trip In The SouthTimmer Was Playing With His Dads Nail GunSebastian Was Bitten By A ScorpionBigbigspoon Was Caught In A Trap Full Of SpikesAmber Successfully Went Into The LightSamantha Died Because She Didn't ThinkCole Had His Brain Turned Into A DrinkEdgardo Died In A Little Car CrashRob Was Stabbed While Having A BathDargan Choked On His Dads TieJames Glued His Face Shut And Died

Your new step mom seems nice. She makes your dad happy. But she wants more from him. It'll make your life crappy. She prayed every day. For someone please maybe. To deliver a man. Who could give her a baby. Your dad has old sperm. But your stepmom can still. Carry a baby to term. Meet your new brother Bill. "ours baby" is what your stepmom proclaims. In just a few days. She won't want to hear your names. She has a baby with her dna. So go get a job. Right now. Today. Stepmom says it's time to move out. Now you know what "ours baby" is actually about.

If one commits a crime do they both go to jail? What if one is dates a male and the other dates a female? How many seats do they buy on a plane? Can they read the thoughts in one another's brain? With eight limbs are they an octopus by definition? At the movies do they pay 2 admissions? If they share a butt who decides when to Poo? If one of them dies does the other die too? If one gets pregnant are they both the kid's mom? Will they ever find two dates for the prom? What If one gets into college and the other does not? What happens if just one wants to tie the knot? Do they need one passport or two? If one wants to have sex what does the other one do? Do they both get paralyzed if they share the same spine? Do they both get drunk if just one drinks wine?

Humpty Dumpty started a new job. Humpty Dumpty shows co- workers his knob. He makes jokes about sexual orientation. And emailed a co-worker with the subject: "Oral Fixation". He doesn't understand inappropriate touch. His secret Santa gifts are way too much. He's always suggesting awkward things. And gives people nicknames that really sting. He forwards emails that always offend. Always demanding Hugs that never seem to end. He makes offensive stereotypes when it comes to gender. When he gets in trouble he says he "didn't mean to offend her". His workplace activities are sexually inspired. And That's why Humpty Dumpty always gets fired.

You people need to get back this building's gonna blow. You people can't BBQ in the graveyard you know. You people can't put your recycling in the trash. You people shouldn't carry around that much cash. You people go out for dinner a lot. You people can't stop here in this spot. You people really get into your sports. You people know this place doesn't allow shorts? You people can't walk your dogs in this park. You people can't swim here. beware of sharks. You people need to quarantine for 14 days. You people are going to have a 3 hour wait. You people have room for one more? You people can once again use this door.