Bøger af Brad Gosse

Unicorns aren't real. Buckle in. I'm about to hit you in the feels. Tooth fairies are completely fake. You found moms money when you were awake. Nobody knows why they pay for your teeth with cash. Old teeth are gross. They wind up in the trash. Yaaaay teeth!. Easter celebrates the day Jesus died. We Told stories of bunnies and chocolate. Who knows why? WTF is A Leprechaun anyway? Nobody has a fairy godmother okay? Daddies boyfriend was never your "uncle" Todd. cupid is a total fraud. Noah never built an ark to save the species. IF you make a funny face it will never freeze. dragons aren't real with their mouths ablaze. Thanksgiving wasn't really the happiest of days. We know there aren't any real fairies. And we're pretty sure there's no such thing as zombies. There's no such thing as a 5-second rule. making up Santa Claus was extra cruel. It's time to Swallow your reality pills. Get ready for a life of paying taxes and bills.

When your parents split up your dad vacated. That's when he irrationally overcompensated. You didn't understand. You just got a new horse. Nobody thought this through. They were busy with divorce. Cinnamon is what you named your new friend. But he was too big for us to keep in the end. You keep that horse I don't want him back. The stable doesn't want him they say he's a burden. And the house is filling up with smelly horse turden. Cinnamon can't stay. I hate to tell you. He's off to visit a factory that only makes glue. Glue is made from a variety of horse parts. You'll remember cinnamon when Doing your art.

Gabe Was Squashed By A Barrel In A BarFoominchew Was Preserved In A Glass JarTayler-Jean Was Killed With A Wodden ShieldValerie Played With Fireworks By The FieldMackenzie Was Scratched Slowly By Her CatSlusher's Guts Were Chewed By A Trapped RatLee Got Into The Repellant For PestsCavein Was Stabbed Right In The ChestLyric Was Stabbed With A Frozen SwordfishA Cordless Drill Killed Little ChrisBurt Was Hit In The Head With A RockBrayden Was Crushed Under A BlockTrent Was Tied Up And Burned To A CrispMikey Was Decapitated Snip SnipSamara Was Killed By The Frog Of A TreeA Sword Sliced Holly In Half Like CheeseBryce Was Killed By A Flying ArrowGabie Was Murdered By A Bird Named JoeSummer Died And Then Got Eaten By RatsAndrea Ran With Scissors. How Dumb Was That?

Rich Wilens dives into the minds of the world's great online markets. These marketers reveal their stories and their secrets, or not so secret ways how they made millions on line and yu can too.

Money is what your parents will struggle to earn. So There's no better time for us to learn. All of the ways Rich kids have it way better than you. From your piss poor grammar to the holes in your shoe. Bradford has his own rooftop pool. Laurene rides in a stretched Escalade. It's really cool. Warren has a private butler in his parents mansion. Richard's family wealth is always in a mode of expansion. Salma has her own private cabana beach. For Edmund, any career is well within reach. Every month Sandra gets a new designer bag. Yelena's new waterskis have much less drag. Abigail's parents have stocked fridges in the garage. Elon gets a regular massage. Gerald can get into the college of his choosing. he'll graduate even thoUGH he. spent the whole time boozing. No matter what happens he'll land on his feet. His dads connections will keep him among the elite. Winston has 12 birthdays reach year. Hilton sleeps soundly every night without any fear. Life ISN'T easy when your parents are poor. But You might get a job cleaning a rich persons floor.

Use the internet to make friends with new strangers. Throw sharp objects at your brother. Ignoring the danger. Aim a laser pointer from your bedroom window at planes. Try jumping off your roof again and again. Practice throwing a bowling ball at your baby brother. Try firing sharp arrows at your mother. Try some new dance moves out in your bathroom. Make a small campfire in your messy bedroom. Try putting a finger into your cat's butt. Try calling your mother a dirty old slut. If he drives you crazy. Tell your dad to go to hell. Push your mom down the stairs. Tell the cops that she fell. Hide your baby sister from your parents in the attic. If you don't get your way try being dramatic. A great cure for boredom is to eat some junk food. Try sticking your dad's butt to the toilet with glue.

Old ladies will hit you with frying pans. You always need to wash your hands. Never spit in another kids mouth. Aviod the kkk when you visit the south. During a pandemic you should wear a mask. Don't sneeze into anyone's glass. Don't rub your face on the handles of a car. Being a yes man won't get you very far. Whatever happens don't beat a dead horse. Make sure to always know when the ball's in your court. Don't eat garbage for crying out loud. Don't spend your life with your head in the clouds. Never lick a dirty toilet seat. When you pick your nose. You should never eat. Please don't lick your friends phone screen. Never fuel the fire with gasoline. Don't share used bubble gum with your friends. You can't spend forever sitting on the fence. Don't put your lips on the knob of a door. Never eat food you find on the floor. People will use guns to defend their house. Always wear a condom when you bang somebodies spouse.

Cavity cat. That's My name. Giving you cavities is my game. Late at night while you're asleep. I come in your mouth and wreck your teeth. Some people call me the self butt licker. My paws and tail smell like my kitty litter. Tonight I hope you fall asleep really fast. I'll come in your mouth and make your breath smell like my ***. I'll come to your door and offer you candy. Then come in your mouth and show you my handy. Work that I do when I'm wrecking your teeth. Then make your dentist appointment early next week. Your visit to the dentist won't hurt a bit. and Don't forget to rinse and spit. Don't worry the dentist will give you some gas. then I'll be back to come in your mouth with my ***.

Your house is a mess. From the top to the bottom. Unliveable at best. And the kitchen smells rotten. Your parents are hoarders. Can't throw anything away. It's a mental disorder. Now you'll have to pay. A call to the cops. Your parents go to court. Foster care next stop. It was your last resort. Try hard not to moan. Your parents negligent. Now you're on your own. And your sister can't make rent.

What if one can swim and the other can not? Can just one of them become an astronaut? How often do they need a diaper change? If they grew 100 feet tall wouldn't that be strange? When they ride the bus to they pay one price? Have they ever been trapped underneath the ice? Are they a by-product of nuclear radiation? Have they ever been left outside a fire station? If one commits arson does the other one squeal? Have they ever been served as a rich persons meal? What if one is employable and the other can't work? Have they ever been left at the side of the road by a jerk? Will they ever be able to surf gnarly waves? Can one go to church if the other prefers home stays? Can they still find a job at the circus? Have they ever tried the stand up comedy circuit? Have they ever blown away in a tropical storm? Has a government ever weaponized them for war? Do they need a special saddle to ride a horse? Do they count as one or two at the golf course? Do they attend conjoined therapy in a group? What if one likes hot and the other cold soup? What if one gets rich while the other is poor? Could they ever have a career in parkour? Do they ever go clubbing and party till the light of day? Could they ever become president of the USA?

Dad had unprotected butt sex with a strange man. His visit to the doctor wasn't planned. So he took you to the zoo, so he could explain. Gonorrhea causes yellow discharge and pain. Remember when mom brought home that stranger?. She got the aids. Not knowing the danger. That unprotected sex can bring to you. So wrap up your junk whatever you do. Chlamydia may stop you from having kids. Crabs aka public lice is easy for you to rid. Syphilis starts out as a few painless sores. Hpv can end up being so much more. Also called genital warts it may lead to cancer. Herpes has no cure. Now you have the answers. About stds so now you know. to always wear condoms when you sleep with the hoes.

Karen can't seem to mind her own business. And believes there is a war on Christmas. Karen feels safe in her gated community. When her kids get in trouble they deserve immunity. She doesn't like black kids playing at the beach. When she meets the manager there's always a speech. She reports everything she hates on tiktok. Because she doesn't get enough cock. She yells at everyone over the phone. Her husband left. For the secretary he bones. Karen's always protesting this or that. She gets ghosted in her online chats. Karen wants to be treated like a queen. And cares too much about how she is seen. Karen forces her kids to poop. And demands the most attention in group.

Welcome to the vet. We have many sick Pets. Many will die. So don't get upset. This dog has cancer. This cat has fleas. This cat has aids. This dog always pee's. This cat got diseased when he ate a sick mouse. This dog is too anxious to leave his own house. This cat has a fever caused by the flu. This dog got sick from licking dirty shoes. This cat will die in a couple of days. Abandoned when sick. This dog is now a stray. This cat has distemperment It makes him go crazy. This dog throws up. he's become very lazy. This cat got sick and nobody knows why. This dog is so sick we have to let him die. This dog got stung by a nasty ass bee. This cat got hurt falling out of a big tree. We discovered something wrong with this dogs poo. This dog can't keep dinner down. He always has to puke. This dog was dirty. She just needed a shower. This dog is helpless he'll be dead within the hour.

Meera was trapped underneath the ice. Sam had a fatal accident falling off his bike. Kurt was chewed up and eaten by his dog. Digging through the trash is how we lost doug. Mark slipped and fell on a fresh wet floor. Death by electrocution killed baby thor. Ava died choking on her favorite toy. A botched surgery caused the death of this boy. Mandeep was killed in a big house fire. This girl was crushed underneath a car tire. Theo drank too much household poison. Constipation and sepsis is how we lost royston. Mary died inside the washing machine. A leg hold trap ended the life of baby eugene. Alice was found in a puddle face down. Chuck crashed his car on his way downtown. Elaine fell down and cracked open her head. Nobody knows how dave wound up dead. Helen had a tragic fall down the back stairs. Suffocation by plastic bag is how we lost baby blair.

When your poo is stuck it's called constipation. You need to ask the doctor for special medication. What's The Story With Suppositories. The Pills For Your Butt. It's all your fault. You ate Too much cheese. Now just want to poo. Please. Rectal medication works so fast. But it only works if you stick it in your. Apples have fiber to help you poo. But it's too late for this number two. We got your prescription. It says PR. And now we have to stick it up real far.

Atticus keeps up with the latest trends. Astrid's Instagram model fantasy has no end. Stirling is a practicing thespian. Flannery says public parks are too pedestrian. Finn always has time to meditate. Poppy can't hold a job because she's always late. Holden spends too much money maintaining his beard. Sadie doesn't think gentrification is weird. Dax moved in with his mom and dad. Sullivan started a podcast. It's really bad. London can't pay her art school student loans. Ike protests globalism. With tweets from his iPhone. Neva is trying to write a book. With a typewriter. Asher is inventing a sustainable cigarette lighter.

Kids love cows. And we love you right back. It all starts here. In the cow killing shack. First they stun me to knock me out. Then hang me upside down and slice open my throat. They peel off my skin and stick me in a freezer. Feeding you is my destiny. I'm so very pleaser. Follow me now along to the next stop. We're going to visit your local butcher shop. Where they cut my dead body into various treats. Then grind up the rest. Hooray for mystery meat. My whole life is planned from my birth to my murder. And I want you to enjoy my delicious hamburgers. Don't cry for me kid. It's important to know. That cow meat is tasty from my head to my toe.

Your mom says money doesn't grow on trees. Because she works hard for her money. On her knees. Dad chases money all day at his job. Creating wealth for his CEO rob. Some say the best things in life are free. Ask any pimp or divorce lawyer. And they'll disagree. Granny says a penny saved is a penny earned. But clipping coupons doesn't fix her money concerns. People say things cost an arm and a leg. With a scarcity mindset. They'll always have to beg. Life is easy when you see money is abundant. And don't get stuck in a job that's redundant. Kids are told to not be greedy. But sharing too much will just leave you needy. "Money is the root of all evil." That's what people say. That mindset will always chase money away. Don't listen to advice from people with no bucks. Money comes easily when you make your own luck.

Mom's getting ready for her girl's night out. Nobody knows how tonight will work out. Dad's cooking skills are limited to BBQ. And when it comes to cleaning he doesn't have a clue. It's just more convenient for dad to go out. But first, on Facebook out loud he will shout. Daddy daughter date night is what he proclaims. Impressing random friends online is dad's game. It's just an excuse to avoid domestic work. Or leave a messy kitchen for mom to clean. Like a jerk. Tonight your dad will treat you like a queen. It's not about you. He just doesn't want to cook or clean. Daddy daughter date night is just a big farce. His Facebook responses have been pretty sparse. Now you know daddy daughter date night is lame. Next time you can expect more of the same