Bøger af Gene Clements

Tilly and Elmer, high school sweethearts from South Branch, Iowa, tearfully depart for disparate colleges in San Francisco and Cedar Falls where they encounter wildly divergent experiences, and sex with a menagerie of new lovers. Distance, diversity, and dubious dalliances turn their love to disdain. Then they're imprisoned together in an old pickup on a long, troublesome road trip back home.August 8, 1967 - Somewhere in WyomingElmer slowly awoke from a dream in which a young female detective mercilessly interrogated him under an intense accusatory spotlight. She seemed convinced he was guilty of something; whatever it was, Elmer had an unsettling feeling she was right.He cautiously opened his eyes. The blinding spotlight was actually the early morning sun shining through the windshield of his well-used 15-year-old Chevy pickup. Shielding his eyes, Elmer was surprised to find himself in a desert of some kind. He turned to look around and felt a twinge of pain in his neck; he had been sleeping in the driver's seat with his head tilted awkwardly against the side window.As his thoughts cleared, he remembered that late last night the truck had begun to lose power and he had pulled off State Route 130 into an abandoned gas station at the edge of a small town, just west of the middle of nowhere. The town appeared doubtful; a dozen dilapidated dwellings and a tacky tavern that wouldn't open until noon, and where a long-haired, fresh-out-of-college kid in bell bottoms wouldn't be welcome anyway.Elmer suddenly felt apprehensive. Where was Tilly? He looked down to find her curled up asleep next to him, her dusty bare feet against his thigh. At least she was still there, looking beautiful and innocent. Her long peasant dress was pulled up and tucked between her knees; her uncombed long brown hair was sweetly entangled with her left arm, which covered her face.They had been sweethearts four years ago, back in high school, and he couldn't help remembering the delicious and delightfully dissolute things they had learned to do together in this very truck during their two years of do-it-yourself sex education. Evidence of their homework still discolored the seats here and there. Those had been the best days of Elmer's life, before Tilly had left for nursing school in San Francisco and he had departed for the State College of Iowa in Cedar Falls. EVERYTHING was different now.Tilly and Elmer were beginning the fourth day of their confinement in his cramped truck on an unwanted road trip back to South Branch, Iowa, their former hometown. These days they couldn't stand each other's company for four minutes, much less four days. It hadn't gone well so far, and they still faced more dismal days of stony silence alternating with acrimonious accusations.Elmer got out of the truck and slammed the door, awakening the already grumpy girl. He poked around under the hood for a few minutes and when he came back, she was fuming."Give me your panties!" Elmer said in the most unromantic way possible, although the thought of her panties brought the hint of a smile to his face.Tilly gave him a look of loathing. "Are you kidding?" she hissed.She turned away from him and said under her breath, "What an asshole!""Damn it, Tilly! I need them to fix the truck!""You need my PANTIES to fix the truck? How stupid do you think I am, Elmer?""I don't think you're stupid, but I doubt you're an expert on troubleshooting the fuel delivery system in a 1952 Chevy pickup. I would have used those pink panties Prudence left under the seat if you hadn't tossed them out the window in Winnemucca!"

Tilly and Elmer's Carnal Calendar, Twelve Tales of Risky, Frisky Mischief! The complete series of humorous and sexy adventures involving Tilly and Elmer, a Midwestern couple in their early seventies. They've been married for close to fifty years, they still like each other, and they know what to do about it! The short stories in this series are about celebration! Tilly and Elmer love to celebrate holidays, from Valentine's Day to National Bourbon Day. They're always in the mood to celebrate, and the somehow the celebration always involves their continuing attempts to behave like eighteen year olds. The attempts don't always work as planned, but they are always romantic, funny, and frisky!

You'll be delighted by the antics of Tilly and Elmer, a pair of frisky sexagenarians from the Midwest, and I hope you'll enjoy applying your creative talents to showing them to be the colorful characters they are. The 30 drawings in this book are based on a selection of illustrations from "The Sexy Seniors of South Branch", a collection of sweet and funny short stories recounting their adventures and misadventures. This book will be especially fun for grownups who have never really grown up!Tilly and Elmer have been married for close to fifty years, they're still in love, and they know what to do about it. They would appear to the casual observer to be the definition of an "old married couple"; but while they ARE a couple, AND married, they don't consider themselves OLD. In fact, they still feel like teenagers most of the time, although sometimes events remind them that they aren't quite as athletic, skinny, or flexible as they were five decades ago. No matter. They try to recapture their youth anyway; and when they can't quite recapture it, they at least give it a good chase. Along the way, they have some fun and get themselves into, and usually out of, some hilarious situations. What they've lost over the years in body tone, they've gained in expertise, imagination, and good humor; after all, you don't have to be young to be in love and enjoy your share of "quality time" together.The selected illustrations in The Sexy Seniors of South Branch Coloring Book are sweet, funny, nostalgic, and just a little racy. If you find yourself falling in love with Tilly and Elmer, well, you won't be the first!

This Expanded Collection edition of The Sexy Seniors of South Branch now includes ten short stories chronicling the adventures and misadventures of Tilly and Elmer, a sexagenarian couple from South Branch, Iowa. They've been married nearly fifty years, but they're still as frisky as they were back when they were dating in high school. (Their high school exploits are the subject of the Tilly and Elmer FlashbackX series, Coming of Age in South Branch). While they are just as frisky, they are not as thin, athletic, or flexible as they once were. Where there's a will there's a way though, and Tilly and Elmer manage to get themselves into, and usually out of, some funny, surprising, sexy, and occasionally embarrassing adventures.- Skinny-Dipping Scandal recounts Tilly and Elmer's attempt to recreate an afternoon of skinny-dipping and risky romance they remember from their younger days. No one observed them the first time, but this time not all of the tweets come from the birds overhead.- An awkward evening is the subject of Tilly and Elmer's 50th Class Reunion. Each meets an old flame, but like Tilly and Elmer, their fantasy paramours are 50 years older than they once were.- In Tilly and Elmer go to Las Vegas, Tilly and Elmer revisit Las Vegas to try and recapture their lost youth. They don't come back any younger, but when they get home, they find their misadventures have made them local celebrities.- Tilly and Elmer get Crazy when Tilly reads a magazine article on how to drive your man crazy in the bedroom. By the end, both Tilly & Elmer are a little crazy.- Elmer has restored the '52 Chevy pickup he had when he and Tilly were dating in high school. Their attempt to enjoy the intimacy of the small truck cab as they did back then, however, proves more painful than it used to be in Truck Tryst.- In Tilly and Elmer Get Warmed Up, they try to recreate a snowy tryst they had as teenagers, but this time, getting naked in the woods during mid-winter doesn't turn out to have the same appeal it once did. - Elmer goes out fishing, leaving Tilly home to spend the hot afternoon reading a sexy novel about a wench and a woodsman in Tilly's Afternoon Delight. When a young, handsome woodsman arrives in person to trim their backyard oak tree, her afternoon's entertainment becomes more complicated, especially after Tilly loses track of how many gin and tonics she's had.- Tilly and Elmer -in- Decent Exposure. Tilly and Elmer's formerly hidden talents, now shockingly revealed, are the talk of South Branch. - Our favorite sexagenarians' daughter and son-in-law arrive early for dinner and discover Tilly and Elmer, naked and Snug as Two Bugs, on the kitchen floor. - Elmer experiences his first nude beach, and tries a few other surprising things, when he and Tilly visit San Francisco inTilly and Elmer Trip Out.