Sausagey Santa - Carlton Mellick III - Bog

Santa isn't the jolly old elf as portrayed in Children's stories.
He's a bit more grotesque than that. His eyes are pimento-stuffed olives,
his teeth are walnuts, and his body is made of sausages.

One snowy Christmas Eve, while visiting the Fry family, Sausagey Santa
is attacked by an evil force that is driven to destroy Christmas forever. It is
an anti-Christmas spirit that loathes everything having to do with children
and Jesus. His name is Frosty the Neo-Nazi Snowman. After Frosty steals
his magic bag of presents, Santa calls upon Matthew Fry and his wife,
Decapitron (a brutish warrior woman with a peculiar Christmas fetish and
a candy cane sword), to help get it back and save Christmas for everyone.

It's the greatest sausage-spewing, elf-raping, zombie-killing, Transformer-
fucking, reindeer-exploding, snowman-battling, adventure-rocking, bizarro
Christmas story OF ALL TIME!!!