The 12 Steps to Recovery From Infidelity - Patience Wheatley - Bog

...I laid on my bed in realization that two thirds of the day had gone, and I had done nothing productive. My body wouldn't let me. My mind was everywhere attempting to embrace the fear I adapted over 20 years ago. What will I do now? My spirit was broken as I laid in a pit of deep hurt and frustration brought on by my inability to obey and my ability to love. How could he do this again? Better question is, how did I put myself in a position of demobilization again...I sighed...it's ok. Each sigh may not have been a relief, but a release of the ties that bind. I closed my eyes and I sighed a release of second fiddle. A release of settling. A release of the years of second guessing my womanhood. A release of confusion that God wasn't in. A release of co-dependency. Each sigh brought another painful stitch as the healing process took place, the mending of my heart. I sighed, and I released bottled tears that I thought dried up with the promise of No more tears. I cried & I moaned as I grieved the perfect death of my love. My soul ached as it ripped apart once mended souls and I blew the very life of him into the heavens to give to God all I couldn't handle. I closed my eyes to erase the memories, to envision a brighter day. Finally, I released a sigh of relief as I was surrounded by those who love me unconditionally.